I Wanted To Be A Vegas Headliner, But All I Got Was This Lousy Newspaper Gig

Excerpts from Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines Web page:

Toto, The World Economy Is Not Based In Kansas Any More

"GM accelerates in China
Today's results forecast to show Chinese vehicles sales now rival domestic market's"

"CHINA'S CURRENCY
De-emphasizing stability"

"Currency rift casts shadow on Obama's hopes for strengthening U.S. trade with China"

"Wary Chinese restrict Obama's town-hall session"

"GE makes a bold play for Chinese jet business" - all headlines from the November 16, 2009 edition of the Globe and Mail

Has Been Smearing Aristotle With DW40

"Oil industry obscuring the truth" - Toronto Star

Notice The Black Area Where You Can Usually Find The Conscience

"This is your brain on capitalism" - National Post

The Medium-sized Attack Ad Is The Message

"Regulator warns TV, cable firms: Turn down the volume" - Globe and Mail

"CTV threatens to pull the plug
Broadcasting giant tells cable companies to pay or it will yank programs and close stations" - Toronto Star, the same day

British Prime Minister Changes Mind Between Page A1 And Page A7

"Brown aims to set timeline for Britain's Afghan withdrawal" - Globe and Mail

"Brown set to announce addition of 500 troops to Afghan force" - headline on the turn for the above story

Well, Yes, But If Done Properly At Least It Won't Leave A Mark On Readers

"Torture shocker" - Metro

That's Our Job

"Don't confuse the latest fads with the best ideas" - Globe and Mail

WHAT? Now Is No Time To Tell Us That Now Is No Time For That!

"Now is no time to learn pitfalls of bond market" - National Post

Everybody Is Behind Him (Except The People)

PAINT IT BLUE How the PM has remade Canada in his own, conservative image" - Toronto Star

"Canadians dismayed by Ottawa's record on climate change
Poll finds three quarters are embarrassed that country hasn't taken international lead on cutting greenhouse gases" - Globe and Mail

"More Canadians prefer troops returned to peacekeeping
Poll shows Canadians prefer non-combat role" - Toronto Star

"Public health care scores big in poll as MDs study privatization" - Toronto Star

Only A Vampire Can Truly Love Her Settee

"Love is fleeting but furniture lasts forever" - Toronto Star

Being A Wine Connoisseur...Rebirthing - It's Such A Fine Line

"BURP VS. SPIT" - National Post

The $64 Question: Why Is It Anybody's Business?
The $1 Question: Why Is It Getting Blanket Coverage In The Press?

"The $164 question: Will tiger lose halo?" - Toronto Star

So, The Conservative Economic Plan Is Based On...Getting Lucky?

"Scoring in China - without prostituting ourselves" - Globe and Mail

But, I've Got The SuperHellishlyHot Chili Fries Right In Front Of Me!

"Wait for natural gas revolution" - National Post

Thought She Was Getting A Mole Removed

"Surprise lung transplant gives mom renewed hope" - Toronto Star

...In Bed (If They Want To Avoid Getting Divorced)

"Pilots need to be truly awake" - Globe and Mail

That's Why They Avoid It
How Do You Think They Became Rich In The First Place?

"The wise rich know about risk" - National Post

Don't Confuse Yourself With The Facts

"Job losses
U.S. slows firing, but companies aren't hiring yet" - the view from the Globe and Mail's Report on Business

"Stimulus means business: Companies are finally hiring again" - the view from the Globe and Mail's front page

It Depends On How Much You Channels Yer Inner Popeye

"Love and adventure...will I says yes?" - Toronto Star

On A Positive Note, All Of The Bad Golf Puns Will Be Exhausted For Several Generations To Come

"Woods hopes to salvage par from unplayable lie" - Globe and Mail

You'd Like To Think They're Talking About The Sociopaths Running Wall Street, But...

"Mental illness taking massive toll on economy" - Toronto Star

The Market Is Giving Me Gas - Where Is The Tun's?

"Momemtum stocks for the active traders" - Globe and Mail

Man Denies, God Laughs

"First snow-free November near
Nary a flake of white stuff would be unprecedented since Toronto began tracking snowfalls in 1937" - Toronto Star

Shocker!

"USA TODAY
26 jobs fall under axe" - Toronto Star

"Toronto Star to cut 78 editing jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Talisman lays off 220 in North American unit" - Globe and Mail

"Xstrata to close Ontario smelter, cut 670 jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Bombardier to jettison 715 staff in Montreal" - Toronto Star

"Rogers cuts 900 jobs; hikes Cogeco stake" - Globe and Mail

"Ericsson to axe 1,000 jobs in Sweden" - Globe and Mail

"Video game publisher cutting jobs in Canada" - Toronto Star on Electronic Arts cutting 1,500 jobs

"Ontario shrinks civil service by 1,500 jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Pfizer to shut six research centres, cull 2,000 lab jobs" - Globe and Mail

"Sprint Nextel to axe as many as 2,500 positions" - Globe and Mail

"GM Europe to cut 9,000 jobs, add shift at U.K. plant" - Toronto Star

"Job anxiety on the rise" - Toronto Star

One Unemployment Statistic Nobody Would Mourn

"Bernanke pleads his case for Fed reappointment" - Toronto Star