How Anti-terrorism Works In Canada
INTERROGATOR: Who are your children's teachers?
SUSPECT: Teachers?
INTERROGATOR: At their school.
SUSPECT: My children's teachers.
INTERROGATOR: That's right.
SUSPECT: I...I don't know...
INTERROGATOR: You don't know.
SUSPECT: I just drop them off -
INTERROGATOR: Your children?
SUSPECT: That's right.
INTERROGATOR: At their school.
SUSPECT: Yes.
INTERROGATOR: You drop them off.
SUSPECT: Look, I said -
INTERROGATOR: Have you ever met any of them?
SUSPECT: Who?
INTERROGATOR: Your children's teachers.
SUSPECT: Have I met any of my children's teachers?
INTERROGATOR: That's right.
SUSPECT: I...I spoke to one over the phone once...
INTERROGATOR: You spoke to one.
SUSPECT: Yes?
INTERROGATOR: Of your children's teachers.
SUSPECT: That's right.
INTERROGATOR: Over the phone.
SUSPECT: Right.
INTERROGATOR: Once.
SUSPECT: Look -
INTERROGATOR: Don't you have an interest in your children's education?
SUSPECT: Sure, but I'm a busy man.
INTERROGATOR: A busy man.
SUSPECT: That's right.
INTERROGATOR: Too busy to know who your children's teachers are.
PAUSE.
INTERROGATOR: Who is the Prime Minister of Canada?
SUSPECT: (relieved) Stephen Harper.
INTERROGATOR: Okay. Frankly, I'm inclined to send you back where you came from, but you did at least answer that question correctly. We'll let you back into the country this time, Minister Cannon - if that is your real name. But, if you're serious about international travel, you really should go to one of your children's parent/teacher nights!
How Health Insurance Works In The United States
INSURANCE COMPANY: Give me money.
YOU: How much?
INSURANCE COMPANY: Fifty dollars a month.
YOU: Fifty dollars?
INSURANCE COMPANY: A month.
YOU: What will I get for my fifty dollars a month?
INSURANCE COMPANY: Seventy-five.
YOU: Seventy-five?
INSURANCE COMPANY: Dollars.
YOU: Dollars?
INSURANCE COMPANY: A month.
YOU: Seventy-five dollars?
INSURANCE COMPANY: A month.
YOU: Why has the price gone up?
INSURANCE COMPANY: Oh...no reason. Don't you want to know what you get for your ninety dollars a month?
YOU: Ninety dollars?
INSURANCE COMPANY: A month.
YOU: (sigh) What do I get for that money?
INSURANCE COMPANY: Whatever you need.
YOU: Really?
INSURANCE COMPANY: Within reasonable limits.
YOU: What limits?
INSURANCE COMPANY: We can discuss that when you make a claim.
YOU: I don't understand.
INSURANCE: What's to understand?
YOU: You want me to give you ninety -
INSURANCE COMPANY: A hundred and ten.
YOU: A hundred and ten?
INSURANCE COMPANY: Dollars.
YOU: A hundred and ten dollars?
INSURANCE COMPANY: A month.
YOU: You want me to give you money, and you cannot tell me what I will get back in return when I need it?
INSURANCE COMPANY: You don't like that deal?
YOU: Well...
INSURANCE COMPANY: It's a good deal.
YOU: For you, maybe.
INSURANCE COMPANY: Tell you what. When it comes time to pay, we'll let you pay a fee just for using our service.
YOU: But, if I'm already paying a hundred and ten -
INSURANCE COMPANY: A hundred and twenty-five.
YOU: A hundred and twenty-five?
INSURANCE COMPANY: Dollars.
YOU: A hundred and twenty-five dollars?
INSURANCE COMPANY: A month.
YOU: Why would I want to pay just for using your service?
INSURANCE COMPANY: Peace of mind?
YOU: How will giving you money with no promise that you'll give it back to me when I need it going to give me peace of mind?
INSURANCE COMPANY: I might give it back to you when you need it. Some of it. If you wish hard enough. That's better than nothing, don't you think?
YOU: I don't -
INSURANCE COMPANY: Okay, how about this? We'll reimburse you for your expenses, as long as you pay a percentage of them.
YOU: Is that supposed to give me peace of mind?
INSURANCE COMPANY: Finally, you understand how this works!
YOU: So. You want me to pay a hundred and twe- a hundred and fifty dollars?
INSURANCE COMPANY: A month.
YOU: You want me to pay a monthly fee for services you may or may not pay for when I actually need them. If you do, you will ask me to pay a fee for using your services and you may ask me to pay for a percentage of the services I receive even though I have already been paying you to do so?
INSURANCE COMPANY: That sounds about right.
YOU: Where do I sign up?