Les Pages Aux Folles: You Have to Know How to Read Between the Headlines
You Have to Know How to Read Between the Headlines
Good Thing The Stock Market Is Rebounding
"Caisse cuts 55 jobs, shuffles executives"
- Toronto Star
"CBC to lay off 180 next week"
- London Free Press
"Petro-Canada lays off about 200 in oil sands"
- Globe and Mail
"Deere to combine divisions, cut 200 jobs"
- Globe and Mail
"Saab
Jet maker set to cut 300 jobs"
- Toronto Star
"ArcelorMittal to lay off 400 workers in Indiana"
- Globe and Mail
"Yahoo to cut 600 more jobs"
- Globe and Mail
"CAE to slash 700 jobs by year's end"
- Toronto Star
"Nikon to cut 1,000 jobs amid looming losses"
- Globe and Mail
"Qantas slashes 1,750 jobs after forecasting big loss"
- Toronto Star
"Sony Ericcson posts loss, to cut 2,000 jobs"
- Globe and Mail
"Amex to cut 4,000 jobs"
- Globe and Mail
"UBS to cut 7,500 more jobs amid losses"
- Toronto Star
"BT posts $1.74-billion loss; to cut 15,000 more jobs"
- Globe and Mail
"GM Canada to kill 38,000 jobs
AUTO GRAVEYARD: Blueprint cuts 6,000 more workers, plus 14,000 at dealerships and 18,000 at parts plants"
- Toronto Star
Really? I Thought I Was The Only One Who Felt That Way About Conservative Budgets
"'Between disgust and pleasure, revulsion and enjoyment'"
- Toronto Star
Which Ones?
"Bombings around Baghdad raise security issues"
- Globe and Mail
And, If You're Lucky, It Can Be More Than Touchy
"Intimacy while pregnant can be a touchy topic"
- Toronto Star
Because Criticism Is A Conservative Prerogative
"WHITHER THE LIBERALS?
Provide solutions, not just criticism"
- National post
Owwwww!
"Breaking up the lucky sperm club"
- Toronto Star
Really? That's Funny, Because Whenever I Target South Korean Beer Assets, I'm Told To Go Home And Sleep It Off
"KKR targets AB InBev's South Korean beer assets"
- Globe and Mail
The Right To Bad Puns Doesn't Exist, Yet Headline Writers Act As Though It Does
"The right to bare arms"
- Toronto Star headline
"The right to bear children"
- Toronto Star headline directly below it
Maybe The Humanities Should Stop Telling The Sciences Yo Mamma Jokes
"50 years later, sciences and humanities still don't get along"
- National Post
But, Is There Enough Room In Israel?
"'57-state solution' floated for Mideast peace"
- Toronto Star
As A Stress Management Counselor
"Stress got you down? Chill out in new job"
- Globe and Mail
Claimed He Killed Kennedy AND Was Charlie Manson
"Accused killer padded resume"
- Toronto Star
And...Presumably One On The Lawn?
"Hubby has one foot in the doghouse"
- London Free Press
It's Only Fair - After All, We Contributed To The Creation Of The Disaster
"Pakistan to ask Canada for disaster team"
- Toronto Star
Still, You Want To Do It As Quickly As Possible Because Spilled Liquidity Will Stain Your Carpet
"Mopping up liquidity is a tricky balancing act"
- Globe and Mail
Who Runs Detroit? Tony Soprano?
"Car firms held for ransom, suit says
GM, Chrysler, Magna seek total of $33 million after shortage of parts spurs plant shutdown"
- Toronto Star
"Being 'blackmailed' CAW says"
- Globe and Mail
Well, Thank You - I've Always Prided Myself On My Great Ro...Oh, Wait - You're Talking About My Car, Aren't You?
"A rugged off-roader with great road manners"
- London Free Press
How Much Is My Pity Worth To You?
"Besieged bosses: Feeling for the fat cats
We Want Your Pity"
- Globe and Mail
And, They Don't Even Like Ribs
"Few meat inspectors mean more 'shortcuts'"
- Toronto Star
Just Like A Flat Earth Would Orbit The Sun More Efficiently
"A flat tax would be 'progressive'"
- Globe and Mail
George Stroumboulopoulos? Really? Why Would Anybody Over 30 Trust Him?
"The Canadians You Trust"
- Reader's Digest
Are You Kidding? CSIS Is The Joe Bfstplk Of Security Agencies!
"Judge's ruling puts CSIS under cloud of doubt"
- Globe and Mail
Why Would There Be Any Doubt? Have You Never Seen A David Lynch Film?
"Tori case casts light on town's drug habit
Woodstock residents say abuse of OxyContin is pervasive and deadly"
- Toronto Star
And, That's Something You're Proud Of?
"How I created Brian Mulroney"
- Globe and Mail
Kim Jong-Il? The World Is His Toilet
"Again, he yanks the world's chain"
- Toronto Star
If Only It Had The Appropriate Lungs, Vocal Cords And Mouth Structure...
"The Canadian mouse should get ready to roar"
- Globe and Mail
Are You Talking About The Blues Brothers? Man, John Belushi And Dan Aykroyd Were Hilario - What? President Bush? Oh, That Can't Be Good...
"On a mission from God"
- Toronto Star
Man Says: "Allegedly? ALLEGEDLY? I'm 63 Years Old! Give Me Some Credit!"
"Police arrest 63-year-old man in wheelchair after he allegedly robbed a bank"
- National Post
Because Getting Radioactive Isotopes Out Of Leather Is A Real Bitch
"AECL sale needs careful handling"
- Toronto Star
And, All Of Them Are Demanding Increased EI Benefits
"It's a zoo...really, all over your body
Scientists mapping human skin, find a thousand strains of bugs"
- Globe and Mail
Because They Were Pulled From High School Sex Ed Class By Concerned Parents?
"Why would anyone still be practicing unsafe sex?"
- Toronto Star
Hate The Sinner, Love The Ethnic Cuisine
"The key to a great summer nosh? It's 'wichcraft"
- Globe and Mail
"Restaurant reviews
Jewish nirvana in the strip malls of north Toronto"
- Globe and Mail
Colombia Soon To Be Canada's Top Human Rights Violations Target
"Canada now Colombia's top trade target"
- Toronto Star
Wouldn't Roses Be More Appropriate?
"Iraqi boy meets girl...bombs house"
- Toronto Star
