What the Heck do You Know?
Knows the Palindrome for Bolton Is Notlob

1) Are we human or are we dancer? a) we are butternut squash
b) we are Devo
c) we are confused by the question

 2) What is a "Kibblebyte?" a) what computer programmers feed their pets
b) what computer programmers feed their virtual pets
c) foreplay for the parents of the Kibble family

 3) According to one right wing blogger, Michelle Obama is the president-elect's "deranged, 'race aware' wife." What does it mean to be "race aware?" a) you know who the frontrunners are in the weekend's NASCAR competitions
b) you can tell the colour of a person's skin just by looking at them (as opposed to most people, who can't tell if you're white, black, yellow or arctic teal)
c) never having to say you're sari

 4) What is the difference between Canadian and American Thanksgiving? a) Canadian Thanksgiving is only worth about 80 per cent of American Thanksgiving
b) when the tryptophan hits Americans, they start to argue with their relatives about who deserves to win the college bowls and who deserved to win the election; when the tryptophan hits Canadians, they nod off and dream about who deserves to win the Grey Cup and who deserved to win the election
c) one month and two million auto sector jobs

 5) Pastor Rick Warren will be giving President Bush the first "International Medal of PEACE" from the Global P.E.A.C.E. Coalition, in recognition of Bush's "unprecedented contribution to the fight against HIV/AIDS and other diseases" in a ceremony at his Saddleback Church. What does the acronym stand for? a) Petty Equivocations And Cancerous Excesses
b) Piquant Endives, Anchovies, Currants, Etc.
c) nothing to do with the absence of war, I can assure you

 6) How can a government make infrastructure "sexy?" a) strew Victoria's Secret lingerie across highways
b) shoot videos of bridges at golden hour through gauze
c) explain how many jobs will be created by spending billions of dollars to update it

 7) Who is your favourite dead person? a) Tony Blair
b) Martha Stewart
c) Richard "Lord British" Garriott

 8) You're not clear on the whole "death" concept, are you? a) it's what happens to a politician after he retires, isn't it?
b) it's what happens to a celebrity after she has done prison time, isn't it?
c) I know he's alive, but ever since the announcement of the cancellation of Tabula Rasa, Richard Garriott has been dead to me

 9) What is "double pay equity?" a) a child's schoolyard taunt ("Go ahead and eat that worm – I double pay equity dare you!")
b) an adult's schoolyard taunt ("You just try to legislate equal pay for work of equal value – I double pay equity dare you!")
c) a concept so nonsensical that George Orwell rejected it for Nineteen Eighty-four

 10) In a recent interview with Charles Gibson, President Bush claimed that the Iraq war was necessary because Saddam Hussein wouldn't let United Nations arms inspectors into the country to check for weapons of mass destruction. This is a line he has repeated many times since 2003. It is a lie. Hussein had let UN weapons inspectors into Iraq; the US suggested that they leave days before it started the war. Why has no major news broadcaster in the US challenged the lie? a) that would make it much harder to sell Viagra to their news broadcast's aging audience (ooh – I said "harder...")
b) they want to make sure they get the first draft of history just right, even if it takes decades
c) the Lie may be jetsetting, but Truth has just finished its morning coffee and is just about ready to face the day, so don't count it out!

 11) The United States is a "centre-right" country like... a) rat poison is a health food.
b) How I Met Your Mother is Shakespearean.
c) Dick Cheney is humanitarian.
d) none of the above

 12) Why is the universe structured in such a way that we can't really be responsible for another person's happiness even though it's easy to be responsible for another person's unhappiness? a) the sun dappled elephant flies at midnight
b) the universe...hey, uhh, the universe was a rush job, okay? I mean, really, stars, planets, oceans, continents and all forms of life in seven days? You're gonna hafta cut corners, you know what I'm saying? Happiness? That wasn't designed so hot, if you ask me. Not as bad as the duck billed platypus, maybe – I tell you, Somebody really messed up there! – but, uhh, bad enough. But, hey, the Universe will be getting a major upgrade in about 10 billion years, and I'll be sure to mention this whole "happiness" thing to the Chief. Like He ever listens...
c) have you checked out the sun dappled elephant because...because when it flies at midnight, it's really something, boy...

 13) Tradition has been that Parliament is only prorogued close to the end of a session when its business has been completed. Now that the Governor-General has set the precedent that this need not be the case, essentially suspending Parliament to save Stephen Harper's government, what excuse might future Prime Ministers use to ask for Parliament to be prorogued? a) "You know, I just don't feel like passing any laws today – can we prorogue Parliament for, oh, I don't know, two weeks?"
b) "Everybody picks on me during Question Period – can we prorogue Parliament for, oh, I don't know, a month?"
c) "I've got a hangnail – can we prorogue Parliament for, oh, I don't know, six months?"

 14) One bit of folk wisdom among CIA lawyers defending torture is "If the detainee dies, you're doing it wrong." What other bits of folk wisdom do CIA lawyers share with each other? a) "No pain, no gain."
b) "No stain, no Rogaine."
c) "If the detainee can't spit, you must hit."

 15) What is the "long tail?" a) if you have to ask, you can expect never to make any money from Web 2.0
b) if you know, you probably never expect to make any money from Web 2.0
c) you have a dirty mind and you're going to hell, and the fact that sexuality has always driven the dissemination of new technologies is not going to save you!

 16) What is Indo-Pak? a) a new way of wrapping fragile objects that gives your fingers blisters when you unwrap them
b) a new brand of cigarette (now with 20 per cent more patchouli!) that will never catch on with the North American public
c) the lazy headline writer's term for India-Pakistan

 17) A Malaysian karaoke enthusiast was set upon and stabbed to death. What song was he singing when the violence occurred? a) "Enter Sandman" by Metallica
b) "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
c) "Close (To The Edit)" by The Art of Noise
d) "All Along the Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix
e) "My Way" by Frank Sinatra

 18) One of the harsh interrogation techniques used by CIA operatives on Muslims is to force them to listen to the same song over and over again for 20 or more hours. Which of the following songs is, under those circumstances, most likely to drive a prisoner insane? a) "My Way" by Frank Sinatra
b) "Close (To The Edit)" by The Art of Noise
c) "All Along the Watchtower" by Bob Dylan
d) "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
e) "Enter Sandman" by Metallica

 19) Should Parliament have been suspended for two months in the middle of the greatest international economic crisis since the Depression? a) why not? The Canadian economy is basically sound, so there's no danger in not being able to do anything for a couple of months [thank you, Mister Flaherty]
b) yes – no! Wait...I...I just had a moment of perfect clarity. It was like the whole universe made sense just the way it was – yes, even the bits with Estelle Getty – and, like, I was at peace with everything. Was your question actually an ages old riddle meant to break us out of our ordinary, everyday perceptions and move our consciousness to a higher – a higher – what? It...it was a real question that had nothing to do with altered states? Well, shit, in that case, no. Only a moron would do something tha – oww! Why did you just hit me with that stick?
c) you know, if you stop wasting time on foolish questions, you could probably catch the sun dappled elephant on cable...

 20) What is "clean coal?" a) a close relative to "jumbo shrimp," compassionate Conservative" and "honest energy company"
b) any coal that you can walk away from is good coal
c) coal that stays in the ground