I wanted to call it Incandescent Kleenex, but the name was taken...
I lost my ID die to a dire aider on the Rideau...
You think I don't like celebrities? Oh, Paris the thought...!
If you don't click on my banner ads, the kitten gets it!
Because pixel-stained wretch really doesn't describe what I do...
My favourite illicit substance/actor: Reefer Sutherland...
The haggard laggard braggart Swaggart staggered with a swagger right into the dagger...
No way, Jose the Galilean...
By the time you read this, you won't remember who Sanjaya was...
Be careful what you throw out: one era's junk is another era's valuable antique...
Five years on the Web, and nobody has called me a Nazi!
Nobody can say that I don't have ambition: I want to become the world's best paid fully clothed nude model...
The Prada loving panda dada got nada in Canada...
It's true: I give good title...
Bless me, father, for I have simmed...
Hindsight: when good luck gives you the cold shoulda...
Would Elton John lead The Charge of the Light Fantastic Brigade?
I don't want to go off on a rant, but I'm just not a member of the diet tribe...
I am the anti-Fox: where the Fox network takes fiction and turns it into news, I take news and turn it into fiction...
The slender gender bender slandered the solid slider...
Fortunately, many people mistake literary incompetence for irony...
Bjorn is the one who whistles...
Reality makes a good point...
Live long and Prospero...
In the land of the illiterate, the functionally illiterate is king...
I don't know if I can live with the fact that George Clooney is younger than I am...
Everybody talks about the Weather Channel, but nobody does anything about it...
If Shakespeare was alive today, he would write a play about the best part-timer in the world called The Temp-est...
I prefer to lead from the rires...
If you don't click on my banner ads, the terrorists will have won!
The pessimist sees the glass half empty; the optimist sees the glass half full; the satirist sees an opportunity to make fun of the person who poured the liquid...
Unfortunately, the hidebound are rarely bound to hide...
Powerlessness to the people!
Whadda you lookin at? Oh, wait...
There's nothing more dangerous than a Jewish man with a pun...
I'm a big fan of the Bollywood remake of the classic Hollywood thriller, Sari, Wrong Number...
Hermes, the heretic hermit, hated hermeneutics...
Seizure the day!
A gig here, a gig there, and pretty soon it adds up to real memory...
Orwell was an optimist...
Oh, no! Flo Jo and Ho Jo met Jo Jo at the dojo!
If you don't click on my banner ads, I'm going to tell mommy on you!
Be all and end all that you can be!
Celebrating five years on the Web - that's 97 Internet years!
Gentlemen, synchronize your codpieces...
The important thing is to PANIC NOW - we can fill in the details later...
When we develop a fish-based information storage device, will it be called a databass?
Nobody has ever died regretting the PowerPoint presentation they didn't attend...
The price is leave Isis as is...
My favourite comedian/hair loss drug: Seth Rogaine...
The corrosively cursory cormorant cursed the recursive cursor...
If my mind was any more open, my brains would leak out...
I know it can't be what it isn't, but that's not going to stop me from trying...!
The taste tester's testes tasted terrible...
Sure, glass sweats, but it doesn't sweat the small stuff...
That's always the choice, isn't it? Bank teller or storyteller...
In acting, as in sex, half the battle is figuring out what to do with your hands...
I know there's no "I" in team! Did you know that there are two "I"s in idiot? ...Uhh...wait a second...
I may not be the biggest Harry Potter fan, but even I know that Goyles just wanna have fun...
Waxing poetic over waxed cheese as the moon waxes over Al Waxman...
Chick flicks aside, everybody knows there's no such thing as a perpetual emotion machine...
Nonsense is the sincerest form of hybridization screwtop ungulate...
Telling it like it might have been if it had actually been interesting on the Web for over half a decade...
