Thank you, Sheila D, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we found out that we are allergic to dogs. You know how we found out? We were stuck in a car with a Labraschnoodle Retrieveweiler on a four hour trip. Man, that dog licked us up, down and sideways! And, when we arrived, it looked like the skin was melting off our faces! Total zombification! Good thing we weren't meeting the Prime Minister - only his Deputy - now, that would have been embarrassing!
Enjoy,Loose Change We Can Believe In
How Progressive Are You?
To determine how progressive you are, simply choose which of the following actions by President Obama or his administration makes you finally abandon your belief that it is progressive:
BLUE DOG DEM: saying it will release torture photos, then deciding not to.
WIMP: President Obama saying he opposes the "don't ask, don't tell" policy which forces many people in the military to lie about their sexuality to serve, but not doing what is in his power to stop it
WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, YOU GET GOING: saying it will stop renditions, then deciding to allow them to continue
WAVERING: Barack Obama campaigned on the need to protect the 300,000 jobs in the auto industry; in office, he insisted on demands of union concessions with the threat of bankruptcies (and concomitant layoffs)
THICK SKIN: in the meantime, the administration authorized the use of hundreds of billions of dollars to bail out Wall Street firms with little more conditions or oversight than the Bush administration demanded
HARDCORE: saying it will try all of the prisoners in detention in Guantanamo Bay in civilian courts, then deciding no, it will actually try some of them in military tribunals (although it will allow "enhanced defense techniques")
HARD HEAD: saying it will stop holding prisoners indefinitely without charge, then deciding to do so (but calling it "prolonged detention")
COMPLETELY UNSHAKEABLE: refusing to sanction the investigation and, if warranted, prosecution of war crimes even though everybody in the administration is obligated by law to do so
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=633&dir=bb]
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Ignorance Of The Law Of Gravity Is No Defence
Brian Mulroney, testifying at the Oliphant inquiry into his dealings with German bad boy Karlheinz Schreiber, has claimed that he was never Prime Minister of Canada.
"I have no recollection of attaining the highest office in the land," Mulroney claimed, as collective jaws hit the floor. "Are you sure this isn't all a joke played by Fred Doucet? He's quite the jokester, Fred is. Not that I have the slightest idea who he is..."
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story
/RTGAM.20090520.eladvote0520_@/BNStory/nothingspecialScandal2009/]
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We Could Tell You, But Then We'd Have To Go Back In Time And Make Sure Your Parents Never Met...
CIA Briefing Notes
September 12, 2002: Brief Nancy Pelosi on "enhanced interrogation techniques" (EITs).
September 17: 2002: Brief John Boehner on potential alien attacks.
September 23, 2002: Brief Yogi Bear about enhanced goodies protection techniques in Jellystone National Park.
September 26, 2002: Complete time machine. Go seven (7) years into the future to learn the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques" (EITS), then go back in time to September 11 to inform briefers of Nancy Pelosi that that is the term they should use in their briefing.
September 12, 2002: Brief Nancy Pelosi on "enhanced interrogation techniques" (EITS).
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/1080963828602470537946374864826cahs01.html]
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Save Me From Salvation!
Terminator Salvation Review
1/2 (out of 4) There are bad reviews and there are bad reviews. This is one of the latter.
The first several paragraphs are about star Christian Bale and a completely different film, Batman. This is pandering to the newspaper's celebrity-obsessed audience and really just delays the start of the review proper.
Salem talks around the issue of problems with the script, but he doesn't really go into any detail about them to prove his argument. This violates the first rule of film journalism: if you introduce a complaint in the first paragraph, the smoking gun must go off before the end of the article.
This review barely fizzles.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/090521/geeklynews/01lucia.htm]
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A Grissom Discovery (I Know William Petersen Left The Show, But I Could Never Pass Up A Good Pun)
A horrifying discovery was made yesterday afternoon: a spine buried in a shallow sand dune just outside Las Vegas. Using DNA analysis, police have positively identified the spine as belonging to the Democratic Party.
"This body part seems to have gone far afield," stated CSI investigator Raymond Langston. "Somebody clearly didn't want it found."
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2009May21.html]
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Now, If Only There Was 2 1/2 Men Without The 2 1/2 Men, Then We'd Be Getting Somewhere!
MONDAY: I've really been trying to get into Garfield Without Garfield, but I can't help but feel that Samuel Beckett cornered the market on the whole "absent protagonist" deal a long time ago.
TUESDAY: Okay, so, President Obama can take being called a socialist, a fascist, a Communist and a Nazi by various people on the right with grace. But, when critics on the left tell him he's acting like George W. Bush, that's when he gets offended? Politics hurts my brain.
WEDNESDAY: A study by a British PR firm claims that showering during the working day helps employees become more productive and more creative. I guess it depends on who you shower with.
THURSDAY: Man, you know you're getting old when you're packing for a trip and you take more medications than grooming products. Not...that that's happening to me. I'm just...passing along an observation. That's it. It's something I have observed.
FRIDAY: Danone announced that it will be putting $7.5 million into research in London, Ontario that will result in the development of beneficial bacteria products like those used in the making of yoghurt. The development of beneficial bacteria products. DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THE RESEARCH BEFORE I STARTED EATING YOGHURT? Just asking.
SATURDAY: Wow. Bumfuzzled really is a word. Who knew?
SUNDAY: You would think that theologians would have realized that angels have better things to do with their time than dance on the head of a pin for them!
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]
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