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Enjoy,The Kid President Stays In The Picture
BUSH: I never met with Jack Abramoff.
PRESS: There is a picture of you and Abramoff together at the White House.
BUSH: Is there? Really? Oh. Okay. You know, I, frankly, don't even remember having my picture taken with the guy. I don't know him. I can't say I didn't ever meet him, but I meet a lot of people...I've had my picture taken with a lot of people.
PRESS: Actually, there is a second picture of you and Abramoff together.
BUSH: Okay, so, maybe we met twice.
PRESS: According to the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, there are photos of you meeting with Abramoff at least five times.
BUSH: Who remembers? See, I was busy fighting a war at the time. Can't keep track of every meeting.
PRESS: In fact, according to the Committee Abramoff had 485 lobbying contacts with White House officials between January 2001 and March 2004, including 170 meetings over meals and 16 meetings over drinks. Sounds like he was pretty close to your administration.
BUSH: Whose side are you on?
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/bushleagueofhisown.shtml]
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This Headline Never Did Get Modern Art
Collage artist Robert Rauschenberg has died of heart failure. Special aunt to all her nieces and nephews. Following US Army service, he practiced Internal Medicine in Detroit, Michigan, until his retirement in Bradenton, Florida in 1981. Budgie was loved by his many friends all over the world through his soccer and sports broadcasting careers. Bernice was a member of the Beamsville Lioness Club and the Royal Canadian Legion.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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This Headline Never Did Get Modern Sports
Sportscaster Jim McKay has felt the agony of the ultimate defeat.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Mighty Whitey Of Them
CLIP: Michelle Obama refers to "Whitey" in a talk at Trinity Church - you know, the one led by Reverend Wright - and we've got the tape!
ROPER: Well, I like a good smear as much as the next guy -
PHILLIPS: Not if I'm the next guy.
ROPER: A. O. Scott could be the next guy if you don't let me finish.
PHILLIPS: Sorry.
ROPER: But, really, "Whitey?" This may play well with older white supremacists - the kind who still think the south won the Civil War. Hell, the ones old enough to think they fought in the civil war! But, let's face it, outside of their fevered nightmares, nobody has used the term Whitey since the sixties!
PHILLIPS: Hey, I'm not a fan of the genre, and I have a more basic problem with it. The first rule of smear production is that you should never suggest you have proof when none exists. It makes the smear sound more legitimate for a little while, but, eventually somebody in the audience is going to go, "Okay, show me the tape," and the whole narrative collapses.
ROPER: So, you agree this smear is a miss?
PHILLIPS: Must miss. Absolutely.
SOURCE: Another Overwrought At The Movies Parody
[http://tvsimplex.go.com/hastalavista/dilbertandromper/today.html]
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YOU WANT: A Headline That Illuminates The Article. YOU'll SETTLE FOR: A Bad Pun That Makes The Article Sound Vaguely Interesting. YOU'll GET: A Non-sequitur That Makes You Want To Quickly Turn The Page
In American politics, everybody settles.
YOU WANT: enlightened liberalism. YOU'll SETTLE FOR: compassionate conservatism. YOU'll GET: friendly fascism.
YOU WANT: peace. YOU'll SETTLE FOR: getting your piece. YOU'll GET: accused of appeasement.
YOU WANT: tax cuts for the wealthy. YOU'll SETTLE FOR: tax cuts for the wealthy. YOU'll GET: tax cuts for the wealthy.
Okay, the top tenth of one per cent don't have to settle. But, for all other Americans, everybody settles.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Ottawa: Where The Term "Native Intelligence" Is An Oxymoron
The Stephen Harper government has apologized to natives for Canada's shameful history of forcibly taking their children and putting them in residential homes. Sixty years from now, another Conservative government is expected to apologize to natives for abrogating the Kelowna Accord.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080612.eladvote0612_@/BNStory/opinionSorryAboutThatChief2008/]
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Reading Report On Business Seen As High-risk, Low-reward Bet
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1376334928]
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Dancing Her Way Off This Mortal Coil (And Into Our Hearts)
It's time for somebody to collect on the five million dollar insurance policy on Cyd Charisse's legs.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Sure, But He's Nuttier Than A Planter's Mixed Jar, So Who Cares?
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1356532288]
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Uhh...Yeah...Well...The Planter's Mixed Jar Can Be Pretty Tasty...
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1356532287]
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It's Impossible To Find The Best Course Of Action In Such A Hairy Situation
People will continue to have ridiculously long facial hair long after Mike Myers' The Love Guru has finished its run in movie theatres. The person who wrote that the film "seems to be lampooning people with long beards, holding them up to ridicule" needs a little perspective.
Of course, we have not seen the movie, which opens Friday. To be fair, though, its hirsute critic hasn't seen it other. So...why are we arguing about this?
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080615.eladvote0615_@/BNStory/editorialScaryHairy2008/]
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Torture Porn Lite
9pm. ABC. America's Funniest Homeland Videos. This week, the audience gets to choose between a hilarious video of a toddler "accidentally" punching a detainee in his privates and an outrageously funny video of a cat "accidentally" jumping on a detainee's face with its claws out. Hilarity (not to mention the illusion of safety) ensues.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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