Will Ferrell’s limo pulls away from the theatre. And I was there and saw it all!
Thank you, David Usupashvili, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Was your high school nickname “How Green Was My?” Oh, don’t be like that! If you’re going to choose to have a name like Usupashvili, you have to expect a few bad pun – oh, look, there’s really no need to bring Human Rights Commissions into this! Some people shouldn’t take themselves so serious – oh, for crying out loud, we were muttering to ourselves! What are things coming to if we can’t even mutter to ourselves without somebody hitting us with a human rights complaint any more!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
They’ve Killed THAT Joke For Future Generations
Polish citizens who donate to their local blood banks will be allowed to write $60 off their tax bill. And, I thought: “Some metaphors should never be literalized!”
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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And, Really, Only In Times Of War…
Lindsay McWreath disgraces all Canadians with his shameless, ill-informed pandering to American political propagandists. His statement, “Our health care system is like Attila the Hun’s…” merely demonstrates how ill-informed he is. The Huns routinely killed their weak and wounded to ensure that only the strong survived to breed. Canada hardly ever does that.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088491831813&call_pageid=968331978492&col=963276972154]
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If You Insist Upon Buying Discount Bullets, You’re Going To Take A Cheap Shot
Scanning through my email, I thought I had received something about “cheap shot reduction.” This seemed a little harsh: sometimes a cheap shot is just the sort of humour necessary to break through the media clutter that puts most people into a narcoleptic state and get their attention.
Upon closer inspection, I found that the subject line of the email was actually “cheap debt consolidation?.” I figured it was a cheap shot at my finances, so I immediately deleted it.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Democracy If Convenient, But, Conveniently, Not Democracy
Q: American Admiral William Fallon has urged Canada to keep its troops in Afghanistan in a military capacity. The Canadian people are increasingly against the war. Which voice will the Harper government listen to?
A: Are you kidding? I mean, this is even a question? Let’s put it this way: As far as Ottawa is concerned, the Canadian people are like a whistle that only dogs can hear.
Q: What democratic principle is that based on?
A: The long-held principle of one military, one vote.
SOURCE: Saturday Night, Fevered
[http://www.saturdaynightfevered.ca/index.php]
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Independent And Socially Intelligent – Just Like Ants!
According to an article in The Financial Post, successful entrepreneurs think differently from other people: they are independent and socially intelligent. (The rest of us are, of course, slavish followers of popular trends who are totally inept in social situations. Not that the Post is elitist or anything…)
Next to this article is an article on “vulture capitalists,” the boorish, insular, arrogant and often ignorant companies that fund startup businesses. Either Financial Post editors don’t know what they’re doing, or they have a really, really, really, really, really subtle sense of humour.
SOURCE: Wryerson Journalism Review
[http://www.wryerson.ca/wrj/online/alaister-interregnum1.html]
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Imagine How She Treats Her Enemies!
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1388333638]
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WE BELIEVE YOU! WE BELIEVE YOU! WE BELIEVE YOU!
What do Gerald Ford, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush and Bill Clinton have in common? They were all left handed. Guess what? John McCain and Barack Obama, the favourites to get the nomination for their parties, are also left handed, meaning we’re almost assured of getting a left handed president in 2008.
I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP! I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP! I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP!
You may be thinking “So what?” Sure. You’ve got a comfortable life – why worry about something so…remote, so…seemingly harmless? Well, that’s what they thought about the fluoride in the drinking water, and we all know how that turned out! The lefties are consolidating their power. Soon, you’ll see it in changes in small things. Left-handed corkscrews. Left-handed bottle openers. Left-handed television remotes. Left-handed television remotes! But, that’s only the beginning! Where does it end? Internment camps for righties? How about forced euthanasia for right-handed pre-born children?
You may think this is insane. You may think I’m blowing the issue out of all proportion. But, ask yourself honestly: can you really afford to take that chance?
SOURCE: Mike’s Ultimate Conspiracy Page
[http://www.ignoremeatyourperil.com/conspiracy2319.html]
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Because Political Strength Involves Doing What General Hillier Tells You To
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=13877633638]
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Les Pages Aux Folles --> …Anybody? Anybody At All?
RIGHT: Drudge Report --> CNBC (1 day) --> Washington Post (3 days)
LEFT: Consortium News --> Mother Jones (3 months) --> New York Times (6 months)
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=537&dir=bb]
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Who Blesses Crap, Anyway? That Must Be The Shittiest Job At The Vatican!
HOLY CRAP! Me and The Boy went to see…well, I don’t even remember what it was we went to see because WE SAW WILL FERRELL AT THE THEATRE! He was just as close to me as you are now! He looked…tired. Tall. And, tired. The Boy thinks maybe it’s because he’s done so many sports movies lately. Yeah. That must be it.
Course, if I had to be honest, I don’t really get Will Ferrell. After The Boy made me sit through Kicking and Screaming, I told him that that was the only way he was going to get me to see another Will Ferrell movie. I hated it so much, I wouldn’t see anything with Will Arnett, read anything by Will Rogers or go to any Farrelly brothers movies, either!
Still. He is wildly popular. And, he had the good sense to have Sasha Baron Cohen costar in Talladega Nights. So…what the heck. I SAW WILL FERRELL! UP CLOSE AND (IF IT HADN’T BEEN FOR THE COPS WALKING HIM TOWARDS THE ELEVATOR) PERSONAL! IS THIS A GREAT LIFE, OR WHAT?
SOURCE: Jennifer’s Brain Blorts
[http://weblogger.brainblorts.home.html]
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