KNOCK KNOCK
“Yes?”
“Mister Singh?”
“Yes.”
“You were found guilty.”
“I’m sorry?”
“The jury found you guilty.”
“What jury?”
“The one at your trial.”
“I’m sorry, but I haven’t been on trial.”
“Of course you haven’t.”
“Oh. Okay, then.”
“Now, if you’ll just come with me.”
“Why?”
“Because you were found guilty.”
“At a trial I didn’t attend!”
“At a trial you weren’t allowed to attend. National security, you understand.”
“No, I don’t understand.”
“Fortunately, you don’t have to understand. Now, if you’ll just come with –”
“What have I been found guilty of doing?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not at liberty to tell you.”
“You can’t tell me what I’ve been found guilty of?”
“Sorry. National security. What I can tell you is that you’ve been a naughty, naughty boy, and you should expect to be in jail for a very long time.”
“That’s absurd! I’m a responsible businessman! I’ve never done anything that would put me in jail for a long time!”
“You are Mister Singh?”
“That’s right.”
“Mister Harunder Singh?”
“Umm, yes.”
“And, this is 247 Franz K Street?”
“Well, yes, but –”
“Phew! I thought they sent me after the wrong man, again! You have no idea how embarrassing that can be! Uhh…for the justice system, I mean.”
“But, I must be the wrong man!”
“Oh? What makes you say that?”
“I wasn’t at any trial!”
“Oh, dear. Mister Singh, this will go so much more quickly if you don’t make me repeat myself!”
“But…look, don’t I have the right to confront my accuser and challenge any evidence brought against me?”
“That is a cornerstone of the justice system, yes.”
“Well, then –”
“But, not in this case.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because the government has decided that if you’ve been a naughty, naughty boy, you don’t deserve the protections usually afforded people charged with bad behaviour.”
“But, am I not innocent until proven guilty in a court of law?”
“You were proven guilty in a court of law.”
“But, I wasn’t allowed to defend myself because I was suspected of…naughty, naughty behaviour! Think about it. If I had been presumed innocent – as I am supposed to be under our system of justice – I would have had a normal trial. To be denied a normal trial means that somebody in the justice system assumed that I was guilty – this goes against hundreds of years of legal precedent!”
“Mmm…that seems to makes sense.”
“Thank you.”
“I didn’t understand a word of it.”
“What?”
“I’m just a simple policeman. If you want to discuss how the courts work, you really should talk to a lawyer.”
“I want to talk to a lawyer!”
“When we get to the jail, they’ll explain about your phone call.”
“But, I haven’t done anything!”
“I think you’ll find, Mister Singh, that that’s a common refrain in prison.”
“I WANT TO SPEAK TO MY LAWYER NOW!”
“If you insist, Mister Singh, but it won’t help you.”
“It won’t?”
“No. If we’re not going to let you know anything about your trial and conviction, we’re certainly not going to let your lawyer know anything about them! It’s common sense, really.”
“I have rights! You can’t just –”
“Oh, now you’re just being tedious.”
“But, you can’t!”
“Sigh. Look. I’m not prepared to argue law with you. Simple policeman and all of that. However, if I was, I would point out that the law can’t be etched in stone for all time. To be relevant, it must evolve as social conditions evolve.”
“The law, yes. But every human being has certain rights that do not change, and one of them is the right to a fair trial.”
“Do you really intend to be uncooperative?”
“I’m not being uncooperative! I’m asserting my rights! Deny people a fair trial and you’re back to the days of the Star Chamber and the Spanish Inquisition!”
“Whoa, there. Now, wait just a second! There’s an important difference: we don’t torture people!”
“You don’t tor –”
“I’m afraid you’re being uncooperative, so I’m going to have to taser you now.”
“But – AAARRRRGGH!”
“Tsk tsk. Now I’m going to have to get my partner up here to help carry you to the cruiser. It just goes to show, if you don’t cooperate with the police, you could get into real trouble!”