1) When he promised not to raise taxes, did Premier Dalton McSquinty think –
McSquinty. I get it. Very clever. Shifty eyes – he must be a liar, right?
2) Oh. No, I thought that was his name. If it isn’t, what is the Premier’s name?
Premier “Howdy” Doody McGuinty.
That Ernie Eves was telling the truth when he claimed that the Conservatives had balanced the provincial budget before the Liberals took over.
He clicked the heels of his red shoes three times, rubbed the head of a bald person (and she was none too happy about it, let me tell you) and made a wish before he blew out the candles on the cake. Given that he was the only person in the province who did believe that the Conservatives had balanced the budget, a bit of self-deception may have been involved.
5) What’s your favourite campaign ad?
RING.
PREMIER: Hello?
CALLER: Liar!
PREMIER: Excuse m –
CALLER: Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar!
PREMIER: Who is thi –
CALLER: Liar! Liar! Liar! Ooh, you liar, you!
PREMIER: Look, I don’t have to –
CALLER: Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Oooh, you’re such a liar!
PREMIER: Mom? Is that you?
ANNOUNCER: Dalton McGuinty. Even his mother knows that he doesn’t tell the truth. And, it’s not nice to lie to your mother.
6) I thought you weren’t buying into the whole Premier McGuinty as liar premise.
What? Oh. Umm. Right. No. Of course not. I was, uhh, being ironic.
7) How come when Dalton McGuinty raises taxes after promising he wouldn’t, he is called a liar, but when John Tory says he will fund all religious schools in the province, then announces that he’ll hold a vote on the issue that is almost certain to fail, he has listened to the people?
Because McGuinty changed his mind after he was elected and Tory changed his mind because otherwise he wouldn’t get elected. In politics, as in sex, timing is everything.
8) What is your second favourite campaign ad?
The one where the woman claims that 11 out of 10 murders committed in the province since the Liberals took power were committed by child molesters out on day leave. Because, let’s be honest: trying to paint your opponent as soft on crime when crime rates are falling is a gutsy move.
9) Gee, but how do you really feel?
Thank goodness John Tory vowed to run a clean campaign, because if this is his idea of one, I’d hate to see what a dirty Tory campaign would look like!
10) Why are people concerned about John Tory’s policy to allow doctors to work within both the public and private health sectors?
They’re afraid that doctors are so dedicated to universal health care that they will drive patients out of the private system and into the public one, depriving doctors of vital golf green fees.
11) How do you feel about John Tory’s commitment to fast-track nuclear power plant?
It’s all part of the Conservatives’ vision of a glowing future for the province.
12) Who are the major candidates in the election running against?
Dalton McGuinty is running against himself. But, it could be worse. John Tory is running against Mike Harris.
13) Who is Howard Hampton running against?
Howard Hampton is running?
14) Don’t you think jokes about the NDP being ignored by the press during elections are getting old?
Absolutely. The NDP is getting a lot more attention now that the press has The Green Party to ignore.
15) Have there been any dirty tricks in this election?
Have there ever! A video posted on YouTube has John Tory saying “Por favor,” which is Spanish for please, in answer to a question in French. How dare anybody post a video in such a public place of something a candidate actually said! Honestly, how low can you go?
Not only that, but. apparently, somebody added sexually explicit insults to the description of a New Democratic candidate’s entry in Wikipedia. Of course, this bit of virtual vandalism backfired when it made the NDPer seem more interesting.
16) What is yourbigdecision.com?
I…don’t like to talk about it. I was younger then, and would like to think that, faced with the same situation today, I would run screaming from the room.
17) Oh, ha ha. Well played, sir. Well played. But, seriously, what is yourbigdecision.com?
Are you sure you want me to answer that question?
18) Wouldn’t have asked it if I didn’t.
Because, you know, a Web site about a referendum on a new method of electing MPPs called mixed-member proportional (MMP to you) could only interest members of the Fraser or Dominion Institutes, and they’re not usually popular at parties they haven’t, themselves, thrown.
Okay, but as your eyes slowly glaze over, remember that I gave you several opportunities to avoid this. Mixed-member Proportional voting starts with traditional voting (ie: you choose the candidate who least makes you want to run screaming from the voting booth). In addition to this, several seats are set aside for certain special somebodies selected by – oh, sorry. I come across all alliterative for a moment, there. Each party nominates a slate of candidates of their choosing. On the ballot, you have two votes: one for the candidate in your riding, and one for the party of your choice. The second set of votes is divided among the candidates selected by the parties and – are you still awake? Hello? Hello? Ignore that hand in your pocket – it’s just a bad dream…
20) What are the advantages of this system?
No party will be able to get a majority of the seats with 27 per cent of the popular vote ever again.
21) What are the disadvantages of this system?
No party is ever likely to get a majority of the seats again.
22) What do you think of the More Choice – More Democracy ads that support the proposed MMP system?
It’s a brilliant concept. Democracy in Ontario would be much better if we had 237 political parties to choose from. Imagine it: the ballots would be the size of small telephone directories! Of course, some people might have trouble choosing between the Liberals, the Conservatives, the Abolish Parking Fines Federation, the Geddie Lee for god Party, the Repeal the New Voting Systemites, the Osmosis Znaimerists, the Americans Out of Luxembourg Now! Coalition, the Green Party and the Spliffy Peanut Butter Party, but nobody said democracy was easy!
23) Are there any certainties in this election?
Absolutely. The people, in their wisdom, will enthusiastically elect a government that, six months from now, they will come to despise and want to get rid of. Even in the 21st century, democracy in action is a wondrous thing to behold!