“Honey, did you get the bread?”
“As you know, the Bible says that bread is the staff of life. However, more recent research suggests that man cannot live by bread alone. This has been especially true since the 1960s, when bread became the slang term for money. Of course, at that time, making bread actually became a negative pursuit inasmuch as it meant working within existing structures of social and economic power, structures which, it was believed at the time, had been revealed as corrupt. Although time has not been kind to the most extreme of those beliefs, it can be shown that –”
“So, did you get the bread?”
“Haven’t I made myself clear?”
“Actually, no.”
“There’s the problem. You see, in public life, language is a weapon of war. All that matters is what you said, not what you meant.”
“Actually, unless you think human beings are mind readers, what you said is important in private life, too. And, what you just said was complete nonsense. Michael, did you go to the store for bread?”
“You know, I have learned a valuable lesson from this experience of shopping. Going to a store is very different in real life than it is in theory. In theory, there are no crying children to distract you. In theory, none of the products have been improperly shelved by an underpaid staff member more concerned about going on break than ensuring that items are placed where they are supposed to be for easy location. In theory –”
“Yes, so, leaving theory for a moment, in real life did you go to the store and get the bread?”
“You know, one of the things that most impressed Alexis de Tocqueville about America was the profusion of consumer goods that, even in his time, flourished on the shelves of its general stores. He thought the abundance of choice must inevitably overwhelm consumers, forcing them to sit down until their heads stopped spinning, and he wondered how it would be possible for citizens so affected to make wise choices during elections.”
“Sigh. What happened this time?”
“Bismarck famously remarked that shopping judgment was the ability to hear, before anybody else, the distant hoofbeats of the horses bringing lunch. Few of us hear the horses coming. I was listening for the hoofbeats. Earnestly, patiently, listening. After several hours, I realized that it would not fall to me this day to hear the hoofbeats of the horses of lunch, so I decided to return home and make it from whatever foodstuffs were available.”
“I…I don’t understand.”
“Let me try to put it another way. Good judgment in grocery shopping looks different from good judgment in intellectual life. As a former denizen of Harvard, I’ve had to learn that a sense of reality doesn’t always flourish in elite institutions. However, to be fair, many of those who correctly anticipated catastrophe did so not by exercising judgment but by indulging in anti-shopping ideology. They opposed the trip to the grocery store because they believed I was only after the oil and vinegar salad dressing, or they believed eating meat is always and in every situation wrong.”
“That may be, but we’re not talking about other people, we’re talking about you. Michael, could you please focus and explain to me why you didn’t get the bread?”
“In academic life, false ideas are merely false and useless ones can be fun to play with. In shopping, false ideas can ruin the lives of millions of diners and useless ones can waste precious resources. Unfortunately, I let emotions carry me past the hard questions, like: Can I park safely on a side street so that I can avoid the madness of the store parking lot even though a no parking sign is prominently displayed nearby?”
“Okay. I’ve got to go.”
“Where are you going?”
“To the store. To get some bread.”
“One thing is clear: the costs of staying home will be borne by the shopkeepers, while the cost of going will be mostly borne by us. You know, funny thing, Churchill once said –”
“You just hold that thought, dear. I’m going to get us something to eat.”