“Mister Zaccardelli?”
“Royal Canadian Mounted Police Commissioner Giuliano Zaccardelli, actually.”
“Yes, sir. Do you understand why you’re here?”
“I have to give testimony to Parliament about the issue of the RCMP’s role in the arrest and detention of Maher Arar. You’re going to help me communicate the RCMP’s position to MPs.”
“Good. And, what would you say the RCMP’s position is?”
“NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, YOU BLOODSUCKING LEECHES! WE’RE PROTECTING THE COUNTRY FROM EVIL PEOPLE – THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!”
“Ah. And, how do you think that will go over?”
“I don’t know. I don’t care. I’m too busy protecting the country from evil people.”
“Ah. You might want to take a little time away from protecting the country from evil people and start thinking about protecting your own ass.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Very good. Now, let’s try again. Without the profanity and references to bloodsucking leeches. What is the RCMP’s position on Maher Arar?”
“We’re protecting the country from evil people – that’s all you need to know.”
“Okay. Now, as it happens, some members of Parliament may feel that because the RCMP is a government body, they have a right to know about what it does.”
“That’s where the bloodsucking leeches reference comes in. You see, it signals my contempt for their civilian oversight authority.”
“I see. Have you considered taking a more…conciliatory approach to the hearings?”
“Conciliatory?”
“Cooperating.”
“With bloodsucking leeches?”
“I’m not saying it will be easy. You may find that it helps the cause, though. Honey catches more flies than a jackhammer and all that.”
“Cooperation. What a crazy idea. How would it work?”
“Well. The United States arrested Maher Arar and sent him to be tortured in Syria based, at least in part, on information supplied by the RCMP, information that subsequently turned out to be false. When did you learn that the information was false?”
“Shortly after Arar was sent to Syria.”
“No.”
“No?”
“How do you think the public is going to react to the information that the RCMP did nothing about Arar even though it knew that the information he had been arrested on was false?”
“See, this is why I feel cooperation may not be such a good idea.”
“So, who told you to cooperate?”
“Uhh…you did.”
“Of course. You need to make it clear to Parliament that you are willing to cooperate with their investigations to the fullest.”
“I am?”
“Then, you must tell them that you didn’t know anything about how wrong the information was until years later.”
“But, I did know. That would be a lie.”
“Commissioner Zaccardelli, in public relations, there is no such thing as a lie. We prefer to think of it as an ‘active engagement with the truth.’”
“How is that cooperating with the investigation?”
“Who told you to cooperate with the investigation?”
“Uhh…you did.”
“And, I was right. You will cooperate with the investigation fully and openly…on your own terms.”
“…There, uhh, may be a problem.”
“There are no problems, Commissioner, only opportunities for further active engagement with the truth. What’s up?”
“I may have already told the committee last December that I, well, kind of, knew about the falsity of the information.”
“You’ve already testified once.”
“That’s right.”
“Tell them you were wrong.”
“I was wrong.”
“You misremembered. You’re a busy man, protecting the country from evil people and all. These sorts of details can get muddled in your memory.”
“That’s going to make me look like an idiot.”
“Well, of course, it’s your choice. You can look like an idiot or you can look like a callous bastard who allowed an innocent man to be tortured for a year in a foreign country because you refused to own up to a mistake. Which would you prefer?”
“I’D PREFER TO BE BACK AT MY DESK PROTECTING THE COUNTRY FROM EVIL PEOPLE, YOU BLOODSUCKING FUCKING LEECH!”
“Ah, you are undoubtedly referring to the fact that I’m costing the RCMP $400 an hour. I can understand how you might find that problematic. However, you might want to ask yourself if abusing me is a really good use of our time or your money.”
“…”
“Exactly. So, let us begin again. Why did the RCMP not tell anybody that the information it gave to the Americans that led to the arrest and torture of Maher Arar was wrong. And, this time, could we please lose the reference to leeches?”