“A monk is walking through the forest when he comes across a lion. He runs away from the lion, but soon comes to the top of a cliff. Thinking quickly, the monk notices a vine running off the side of the cliff, and starts to climb down. Unfortunately, there is a lion waiting for him at the bottom of the cliff. The monk figures he can hold onto the vine until one of the lions gets bored and goes away. However, he notices a slight indent towards the top of the cliff, where a mouse has started gnawing on the vine. If he doesn’t do something quickly, the vine will snap and he will fall into the paws of the second lion, but he cannot think of an action that will save him! Just then, the monk notices another indent in the cliff, one quite close to him, in which a single strawberry grows. The monk plucks the strawberry out of the indent and pops it into his mouth. After he has eaten the strawberry, he says, ‘Sweet!’”
“…Sweet?”
“Sweet.”
“That’s it? That’s how the story ends?”
“That’s it.”
“What the hell does it mean?”
“You’re supposed to figure that out for yourself.”
“Oh. Umm…sweet?”
“Sweet.”
“So, you’re saying…you should…eat more strawberries?”
“What?”
“The moral of the story is to eat more strawberries?”
“No.”
“Don’t you like strawberries?”
“Sure, I like strawberries.”
“So, why don’t you want to eat more strawberries?”
“Eating more strawberries has nothing to do with the story!”
“Then, why does the monk eat a strawberry at the end of the story?”
“It’s a metaphor!”
“A metaphor.”
“That’s right.”
“So…when the monk eats a strawberry at the end of the story, it really represents a…a pomegranate?”
“How did you get pomegranate from strawberry?”
“It’s a metaphor.”
“You’re proud of yourself, aren’t you?”
“And, another thing I don’t understand about the monk: why was he walking through the forest in the first place?”
“Is that really important?”
“It is to me. I hate unmotivated behaviour.”
“All of a sudden, you hate unmotivated behaviour – who do you think you are? Robert McKee?”
“Is there a reason for the monk to be walking through the forest?”
“He…he’s going to visit his grandma.”
“The one with the big ears?”
“That’s a different story.”
“The one with the big eyes?”
“That’s the same different story.”
“The one with the big teeth?”
“NO!”
“Then, why was the monk going to visit his grandma?”
“I don’t know! Because…because he had to tell her that the family was moving her into a home, okay? Okay? Is that motivation enough for you?”
“Sure.”
“Good, because –”
“Not exactly a monk-like thing to do, you ask me.”
“He wasn’t a very good monk!”
“I’ll say!”
“Can we please get back to the point of the story?”
“It’s a warning against global warming, isn’t it?”
“A…a…a…a…what?”
“Lions in the middle of a forest – that might have worked for O. Henry, but it isn’t exactly a reflection of the real world. They’re more savannah-dwelling creatures. So, the way I figure it, the only way they could have been in the forest to threaten the monk was if massive climate change had forced them out of their natural habitat.”
“That has got to be the stu – wait a second. That almost makes sense.”
“Thanks.”
“I find that very scary.”
“Look: I didn’t ask to be told this –”
“Okay, let me give you a hint: the monk is facing almost certain death.”
“Really?”
“Of course! The lions and – and the mouse gnawing through the vine!”
“See, I thought the animals were a metaphor.”
SMACK! “A metaphor?”
“Yeah. See, the monk is trying to run away from the animals, like we are all trying to hide our animal natures behind a thin veneer of civilization. However, no matter where he turns, he is confronted by the reality of his animalness. The lions and the mouse represent the animal part of us we’re always trying to deny.”
“Then, what’s the importance of the strawberry?”
“Oh, the strawberry is totally irrelevant. The story would make more sense if you got rid of the strawberry altogether.”
“THE STRAWBERRY IS NOT IRRELEVANT! IT IS THE CENTRAL METAPHOR OF THE STORY! IT’S ABOUT LIVING EVERY SECOND OF LIFE TO ITS FULLEST! EVEN FACING CERTAIN DEATH, YOU CAN STILL FIND SOMETHING ABOUT LIFE TO ENJOY!”
“Really?”
“REALLY!”
“Because, you know, I didn’t get that from the story at all.”
“AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHH!”