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Enjoy,They Grow Up So Fast, Don’t They?
For those of you who have been wondering where Defense Minister Gordon O’Connor has been since last Thursday, fear not! He returned to the Commons Wednesday. He was in fine fighting trim, his steely gaze daring opposition MPs to question his judgment on matters military. And, when, as it inevitably must, an unwary Liberal asked about the Canadian disposition of prisoners of war in Afghanistan, O’Connor bravely looked to the Prime Minister and, getting an encouraging tap on the shoulder, unleashed the full fury of his rhetorical abilities.
“Mr. Speaker,” O’Connor boomed out, “prisoners, numbers of prisoners, details about prisoners are operational matters and they are not revealed to the public.”
Here, clearly, is a politician at the top of his game.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
The Non-withdrawal Method
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
The Rest Of Humanity Need Not Apply
WANTED: someone with indeterminate skills for an ill-defined position. Must be willing to accept a pay rate higher than the Secretary of State and automatic positive performance reviews (regardless of actual performance). Qualifications: must be a lover of Paul Wolfowitz. Typing skills preferred, but not necessary. APPLY: Principal Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs Elizabeth Cheney, State Department.
WANTED: Democracy promoter. Must be willing to run a programme without actually appearing to be part of it. Qualifications: must be a lover of Paul Wolfowitz. Belief in democracy preferred, but not essential. APPLY: Foundation for the Future, Henry L. Stimson Centre.
SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed
Never Say Ne – Yeah, That’s Kind Of Schmucked, Isn’t It?
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
Why Not The Zoo Should Be Obvious
Toronto City Council recently voted to give $50,000 to homeless shelters, even though those who work there argued that they would need $5 million to do their jobs. Within a single 24 hour period, they also voted to allow councilors to keep many of their free perks, including passes to the zoo and city golf courses.
The obvious solution to these vexing social problems? Let the homeless sleep on the golf courses! Not only would this give them a comfortable place to stay for the night and polite groundskeepers to look after their needs during the day, but it would save the government money because it would discourage councilors from actually playing the game.
SOURCE: aye Weakly
You Know The Only Reason For This “Special Day” Is For Rug Shampoo Companies To Sell More Of Their Products
MONDAY: You know what I find really troubling? President Bush’s hair. At first, I thought I was imagining how grey it had gotten since he took office. Then, I saw video of his inauguration, and realized, OMG, he’s gone from completely black to completely grey! For the good of the country, somebody should tell him about Grecian Formula. I mean, if the situation in the world scares him so much that it turns his hair white, how are we supposed to be feel safe?
TUESDAY: MOVIE MATH: Chuckie + Uncle Buck = Chuck and Buck
WEDNESDAY: Today is Lumpy Rug Day. Get your lumpy rug flowers and chocolates, people. Show it some love.
THURSDAY: There’s something weird about watching a medical show in a hospital waiting room. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s totally turned me off Grey’s Anatomy.
FRIDAY: If it makes you uncomfortable, don’t think of me as somebody who doesn’t drink alcohol. Think of me as a person who is nursing a beer…for her entire life.
SATURDAY: I use vanilla flavoured mouthwash because I don’t find the taste as gross as normal mouthwash. (Mint – uggh!) This has had an unexpected side benefit: my roommates don’t seem nearly as eager to use my mouthwash as they used to…
SUNDAY: Thank God for families! If we didn’t have relatives, who would sponsor us when we tried to raise money for worthy causes?
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots
I Wasn’t Convinced Until He Mentioned How I Met Your Mother
Okay, here’s something I don’t get: right wingers always preach about personal responsibility, about how individuals must be held accountable for the actions. But, when something like Virginia Tech happens, they’re quick to blame television, movies and video games. What happened to personal responsibility?
The only thing I can figure? We hate our own freedoms.
It makes sense, doesn’t it? Illegal wiretapping. The abandonment of such fundamental legal concepts as habeus corpus. The use of torture. How I Met Your Mother.
We hate our own freedoms. Somebody needs to put us behind bars before we do any more damage to the world!
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
Meet The Boys In The Bandwagon
January was also the month that we finalized plans to have Oozefest, The International Toxic Waste Haulers and Storers Conference, here in Godbout-Hyde. It was quite the coup, one which will bring a major revenue hit to the Silver City. And, the best part? This year, Oozefest is going green.
That’s right. All the literature on the safe transportation of toxic waste will be printed on 25% post-consumer paper productoids! And, those glow-in-the-dark waste dump keychains will be made of 100% partially recyclable plastics! There will even be a bin on the site to dump the mercury!
This is an event that will make all of us proud.
SOURCE: Godbout-Hyde Chamber of Commerce