The story so far: Luke Citizenwalker and his unpredictable but incredibly loyal brand of freedom fighters have been...well, fighting for their freedom against the frankly superior forces of the Entire. Although undeniably cuter, Citizenwalker and his troops were having little luck, getting few breaks and generally faring rather badly when he, Hans Down and Princess Plaia Organa were captured by the Death Pentagon. Figuring that, while they were there, they may as well take advantage of the situation, the Princess and Hans decided to steal the plans to the Death Pentagon while Citizenwalker confronted the evil Darth Reagan!
DARTH REAGAN: Welcome, Luke Citizenwalker.
LUKE CITIZENWALKER: The evil Darth Reagan!
REAGAN: I see your penchant for stating the obvious has not deserted you.
CITIZENWALKER: What do you want from me?
REAGAN: Well, Luke Citizenwalker, I want to toy with you for a little while before my legions of evil Stormaccountants plunge you into a complete and utter fiscal doom!
CITIZENWALKER: Never, Darth Reagan! (pulls out his lightpencil)
REAGAN: (pulling out his lightpencil) Let us not allow a little thing like the obliteration of social programmes come between us, Luke Citizenwalker. Join the Entire... Join me!
CITIZENWALKER: (assumes a fighting stance) At what cost?
REAGAN: I'm offering you power undreamed of. The Strategic Defense Initiative will give out country protection for untold millenia to come! (assumes a fighting stance)
CITIZENWALKER: But, what about the deficit? You can't simply increase military spending and cut social benefits! That...that's inhuman!
REAGAN: I see that Oboy One Keynesian has taught you well...
CITIZENWALKER: (making a light stab with his lightpencil) You cannot simply walk over people like that!
REAGAN: (easily parrying his thrust) Well you might think that. But, the defense of the nation must come before all other considerations.
CITIZENWALKER: (lunging with a little more force) Then, you doom us all to fiscal destruction with ever-increasing deficits!
REAGAN: (parrying) Do you always speak in exclamations, young Luke Citizenwalker?
CITIZENWALKER: If the Auditors were around, they would make you laugh out of the other side of your mask, boy!
REAGAN: This is no mask - this is my real face! (thrusting viciously at Citizenwalker) Don't talk to me about the Auitors! With my Stormaccountants, I wiped out the entire Auditor force, and I could do it again if I had to!
CITIZENWALKER: (lurches back under the force of the blow, just barely able to deflect it in time) Oh, yeah?
KEYNESIAN: (voice over) Luke...Luke Citizenwalker...
CITIZENWALKER: (now fighting for his life) Oboy One Keynesian!
KEYNESIAN: (voice over) Remember what you learned on the ancient planet Chocobah...
CITIZENWALKER: (backing away from Reagan's thrusts) Dammit, Oboy One, I'm fighting for my life, here! If you've come back from the dead, don't you think you could give me more direct advice?
KEYNESIAN: (voice over) The Budget, Luke. Don't forget The Budget.
CITIZENWALKER: Of course! The Budget, that quasi-mystical entity that only the privileged few ever get to work with!
REAGAN: You think that The Budget will save you, but it won't!
CITIZENWALKER: How...? (the two stand together, lightpencils held taut between them)
REAGAN: I can hear voiceovers too, Luke Citizenwalker.
CITIZENWALKER: Villain! That voiceover was meant for me!
REAGAN: Unpatriotic wimp! (they break and Reagan lowers his weapon) Join me, Luke Citizenwalker. Embrace the dark side of The Budget!
CITIZENWALKER: What?
REAGAN: Strike at my figures in anger. See how much easier it is to use The Budget without thinking...
CITIZENWALKER: (backing away, dazed) I...I'm confused.
REAGAN: Strike, and accept the dark side of The Budget.
CITIZENWALKER: No...no, I can't do that.
REAGAN: Then, I will kill you and your companions.
CITIZENWALKER: Umm, that's not very good, either.
Will Luke Citizenwalker strike Darth Reagan, turning away from the good side of The Budget forever? Will the Strategic Defense Initiative triumph over the Auditors? And, just where the heck is Oboy One Keynesian, anyway? For the answers to these and other questions, come back in four years for the next movie in the series.
In the meantime, good night and drive safely.
