All You Can Do is Shake Your Headlines in Sadness and Move On

I Hope Americans Like Bananas, Because The Republic Is About To Get A Fruity Makeover

"Top security firm inundated with calls after execution of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson - as CEOs fear for their lives" - US News

Because Canada Doesn't Already Come To Gunfights With A Pencil And A Teleprompter?

"Fight tariff threat with PR campaign" - Toronto Star

Otherwise, Private Health Insurers Will Have To, And Their Hearts May Not Be In It

"Canada's public health care must be defended" - Toronto Star

Because, After Reading Your Newspaper For So Many Years, They're Wrong

"Not feeling the 'vibe'
Freeland ignores Canadians' take on our economy" - Toronto Sun

The Canadian Government May Be Losing Cabinet Members, But The US Government Is Gaining Them
The US Is In MUCH Worse Shape

"The actual chaos is about to happen in the U.S." - Toronto Star

I'd Like To Think My Life Is More Than A Time Management Problem To Be Solved...But I'm Not An AI, So What Do I Know?

"Putting 'personal' back in PC
AI computers give users a more efficient experience" - Toronto Sun

So, He's A Typical Politician, Then?

"Ford is careless and cavalier with taxpayers' money" - Toronto Star

It Hasn't Worked Well For Choosing Our Leaders, Either

"Desperation doesn't result in smart shopping choices" - Toronto Star

Now, If We Could Just Convince His Supporters That It Was Fattening...

"Poilievre's endless criticism is tiresome" - Toronto Star

But What Toronto Loses In $s It Will More Than Make Up For In Surplus Ss

"Chow loses a key Ottawa ally in Freeland
Mayors worries funds promised to city may not flow" - Toronto Star

This Headline Sounds Familiar - I Thought The Sun Didn't Believe In Recycling

"POILIEVRE LAMBASTES TRUDEAU" - Toronto Sun

Not Going To Allow Donald Trump Or Members Of His Cabinet To Enter Country A Centrepiece Of Plan

"Ottawa unveils border security strategy" - Toronto Star

What, Those Fat Cats? He Should Stop Supplying Them With Such Rich Foods!

"Premier is simply catering to his base" - Toronto Star

Because Playing Nice With Bullies Always Ends Well

"Next PM needs to win over Trump" - Toronto Star

Soon, The Only Way You'll Be Able To Get A Chocolate Bar Is From Conquering American Soldiers Driving Through Your Streets

"Cocoa futures hit a new high on supply issues
Adverse weather threatening farms in West Africa, pushing chocolate prices up" - Toronto Star

Why? The Model "Public Funds Subsidizing Private Profit" Has Worked Well So Far...For Some People...

"Canada needs strong model for public-private partnerships" - Toronto Star

To Put Into Relief Just How Much The Post Office Is Failing The US?

"Why I Still Send Holiday Cards, and You Should, Too" - New York Times

That's Not Helpful! I Need An Article That Will Tell Me How To Clean Puke Out Of Couches And How To Throw Guests Out Before The Cops Show Up!

"Party time!
'Tis the season to dress up - way up - and toast the holidays with your favourite people. Here's what to wear - and how to host"
- Toronto Star

That Will Teach...No Conservative In Either Country Anything...

"Ontario will bear the brunt of Ford's retaliation" - Toronto Star

You Don't Want To Know Which Part Of His Anatomy He's Shaking At You!

"Shaking my head at Poilievre and his insults" - Toronto Star

* Ballerinas Not Included

"Season of magic
The perfect holiday party is a feast for the senses, with special details, delicious treats and warm hearts. Here, the ultimate guide to hosting and dressing for a stylish festive fete, featuring a quartet of dancers from the National Ballet of Canada" - Toronto Star

You're Only Telling Me This NOW‽
*SIGH* I Guess What They Say Is True: Life Must Be Lived Forward But Ogled Backwards

"The year of the NIPPLE
Celebrities bearing this body part are flouting one of the last feminine taboos" - Toronto Star

A Month In Rehab

"What to buy for the wine lovers on your list" - Toronto Star

Cannot Explain What Makes Her Think She Will Be Welcomed On The Other Side Of The Aisle

"Chow on Poilievre, Uber and tax hikes
Mayor says she has proven she can 'work across the aisle' if new government takes over in Ottawa" - Toronto Star