The Daily Me - Diary of a Supertramp

Thank you, Diary of a Supertramp, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, people who wear masks in public over their mouths but not over their noses - what's up with that? Are they signalling to everybody around them that they are mouth breathers? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Are they acting out some kind of adolescent rebellion ("I know I should do what you say, but I'm gonna do it my way and you can't stop me!")? Do the simply not know how the human respiratory system works?

Sorry, but we have no patience for people with commitment issues.

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

If The Number Isn't The Same For Both Sides, You Hypocritical Bloodthirsty Bastard

Personality tests are everywhere on the internet. You know what I'm talking about: you answer a few basic questions, then the test tells you "What Disney Princess is Your Boyfriend?" or "Which Wife of Henry VIII Are You?" or "How Doomed Is Your Relationship?"

There aren't many personality tests based on current events. This is a simple one: take a side on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Then, answer the question: how many deaths on the other side will be enough for you? When you have done that, simply find the level of blood in the test tube above relative to your answer, and you will get a good description of your personality.

You bloodthirsty bastard.

SOURCE: The Arad Post

[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1690021542725]
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You Know When You've Lost The Science Guy...

Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre recently defended a proposed bill that would bar the federal government from imposing the law of gravity on public servants or restricting Canadians who do not believe in gravity from boarding public transit.

"Whether or not one believes in gravity is a personal choice," Poilievre stated. "It should not be up to federal bureaucrats to dictate to ordinary Canadians whether or not they can float to work a kilometre off the ground instead of driving!"

Bill Nye shook his head sadly and thought-bubbled, "I have no words..."

SOURCE: The Irrational

[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2023/12/03/appreciatingthegravityofthesituation231203]
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He Was So Much The King Of Comedy, It Was Almost Shakespearean

Norman Lear, who created such groundbreaking comedy television series as All in the Family, The Jeffersons and Maude, has died in his sleep at the age of 101 just days after the death of Henry Kissinger. It's fitting that the comedian gets the last laugh.

SOURCE: Obits 'R Us

[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Self-interest? Bank On It!

JPMorgan's Jamie Dimon, testifying before the Senate Banking Committee, claimed the Basel III Endgame proposals to further regulate banking, "are totally evil and must be stopped."

According to Bank of America's Brian Moynihan's testimony to the Banking Committee of the Senate, the Basel III Endgame proposals, "must be stopped because they are fundamentally evil."

The Basel III Endgame proposals "are completely evil and must be stopped," Citigroup's Jane Fraser told the Senate Banking Committee.

"Evil. Must be stopped," Goldman Sachs' David Solomon intoned.

Are we living through the final scenes of The Stepford Bankers?

SOURCE: Economics For Dummies

[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/home.asp?did=617&dir=bb]
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Premier Lights The Guttering Flame Of Ethical Political Behaviour

0 shame) Ontario Premier Doug Ford has accused the provincial New Democratic Party of engaging in "gutter politics." What did they do? a) accused Prime Minister Justin Trudeau of lying during Question Period, then used the fact they were expelled from the House of Commons to raise money from their supporters
b) threatened to invoke the notwithstanding clause of the Constitution if courts interfere with a provincial directive that all students under 16 must have parental consent to change their names or pronouns
c) planned thousands of amendments to legislation, slowing the legislative process to a crawl, if they don't get their way
d) didn't congratulate the newly elected leader of the opposition on their victory, choosing, instead, to inaccurately accuse them of being out of touch with ordinary voters

 0 consequences) Wait - weren't those all the actions of right-wing politicians? a) life is short but the gutter is wide
b) you may not have read about all of these incidents in your daily newspaper, but they definitely appeared in the space between pages
c) the Premier was accusing his opponents of legislating from a bowling alley, which, for Conservatives, is actually high praise

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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McCarthy Didn't Quit, Because He's No Quitter
He Ceased, Discontinued And Laid Off
The Media Needs To Get This Straight!

Former Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy has announced that he will resign from his seat by the end of the year. I guess he got sick of winning...

SOURCE: Cohan

[http://teamcoho.com/video/opening-monologue-12-07-23]
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Nobody Died
Okay, Some Civilians Died, But They All Had Heart Attacks...Simultaneously...What Are The Odds?
Okay, The Civilians Didn't Die Of Heart Attacks, They...Committed Suicide. Yeah. Sure. They All Committed Suicide
Okay, The Civilians Didn't Commit Suicide, They Were Killed By Their Own Side
Okay, The Civilians Were Killed By Us, But They Were Being Used As Human Shields By Their Side
Okay, The Civilians Who Died Weren't Being Used As Human Shields, But We Did Everything We Could To Minimize Their Deaths
Okay, Maybe We Didn't Do Eeeeeeeeeverything We Could To Minimize Civilian Deaths, But We - What? You're Not Talking About The IDF? You're Referring To The Nigerian Military?
Oh
Carry On - Those People Are Animals!

"Military kills civilians instead of rebels" - Toronto Star

SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines

[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1346533028]
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Because Relationships Aren't Difficult Enough That They Can't Be Made Harder By The Application Of A Pop Psychology Quiz

The latest TokTok trend is asking, "What would you do if your significant other said something like, 'Oh, look at that bird peeling an orange.'" The theory is simple: the way somebody responds to an absurd or nonsensical observation reflects how much they care about you.

This is imaginatively known as the Bird Peeling an Orange Test.

"So much about relationships is patently ridiculous," explained Anna Allegobi, whose video on the topic has more than 80,000 nerdy thumbs up. "This is one way of determining if your partner understands the basic absurdity of existence. And how much imagination they have, I suppose. But mostly, it's about the absurdity of existence."

SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report

[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/231208/geeklynews/01orangeyougladyoureadthishahaha.htm]
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