Thank you, Sarah Sulfate, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we published a link to an article about the horror of Hamas' terrorist attack on Israel and lost all of our Muslim readers. At the same time, we published a link to an article about the horror of Israel's genocidal attack on Gaza and lost all of our Jewish readers. As far as we can tell, the only reader we have left is a neo-Nazi. Hi, Bill. Don't let your arm get too tired from all those German salutes - you have to be able to scroll down a couple of screens to be able to read an entire Daily Me.
We're sure this isn't the stupidest timeline, but we still have more than enough life to get there...
Enjoy,Zionist Jews Live For The In-betweens
SOURCE: Religion For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/religionfordummies/home.asp?did=578&dir=bb]
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He's The Timmy Bedwettier Of Real Estate!
Testifying in his own defence in the trial alleging that he and other members of his family committed fraud by inflating or deflating the prices of their properties depending on which would be to their financial advantage, Donald Trump, Jr. claimed that his father was "an artist with real estate." An artist with real estate. An artist. With real estate.
I suppose that's true, if you consider his real estate holdings similar to those water colour paintings six year-olds make in school that get taped to the fridge for a couple of weeks to make children think their parents are proud of that horse (it's a dog? Are you su - a dog? Really? Oh, okay, I can see that...I guess...well done!). You know, the works of art that keep falling to the floor and getting trampled on and eventually have to be thrown out because they're too dirty to make anybody's pretense of feeling good about them credible any more.
Oh, yeah. A real artist. Well done!
SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Funding-induced Heartburn Is Hollywood's Dirty Secret (And Tums Don't Help!)
He likes to think he has the side-eye stare of Steven Seagal facing down a bunch of evil nogoodniks. To me, he looks like Steven Seagal after just being told that the only funding he can get for his next movie is from Azerbaijan. If only he had been able to convey that level of intensity in his films, his acting career may not have taken its Azerbaijani turn.
He is Markwayne Mullin, Republican Senator for the State of "I Can Whup Yer Ass." Well, in his mind, anyway. In a hearing on labour, he rose out of his chair and was ready to fight with witness Sean O'Brien, head of the Teamsters union, until Chair Bernie Sanders warned him that if he didn't sit down, he would be sent to a corner for a time out.
What high principle was Mullin defending? The witness had said something mean bout him on TwitterX. Talk about a precious snowflake! But a snowflake on steroids - it melts on your cheek in a highly aggressive manner!
This quote was not actually part of that exchange. It was something Mullin said in a later interview about President Joe Biden. I'm not sure why a mixed martial arts (I refuse to capitalize it because it's not so much a sport as a gladiatorial gorefest) snowflake feels the need to physically attack an eighty year-old man, but then, there is so much of the modern Republican Party that passeth mortal understanding!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Which Won't Happen As Long As The United States Is Funding Us - Sucks To Be A Hostage!
ISRAELI POLITICIANS: Our objective in Gaza is to secure the safe return of the hostages.
ISRAELI MILITARY: Our objective in Gaza is to destroy Hamas.
ISRAELI POLITICIANS: ...While protecting the lives of the hostages so that they can be safely returned to Israel.
ISRAELI MILITARY: (shrugs) If that's what you want people to believe...
ISRAELI POLITICIANS: Don't pay any attention to our soldiers. I'm telling you what the country's real objective in Gaza is.
ISRAELI MILITARY: Whatever. I don't have time for this - talk to me again when I have run out of bombs.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1065&dir=bb]
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Tommy, The Deaf, Dumb And Blind Movie Critic
The Marvels had the worst opening weekend box office of any film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Hmm...a film that stars three women, including two women of colour, did not appeal to Marvel's predominantly white, male fan base. Who could possibly have seen that one coming?
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2023/2023/11/15/notsomarvelous/]
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Something Is Trickling Down, But It Sure Isn't Wealth!
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=137444443]
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INT. KNESSET OFFICE - DAY
American President JOE BIDEN and Israeli Prime Minister BENJAMIN NETANYAHU are sitting and talking.
JOE BIDEN: Bibi, we've known each other for a long time.
BENJAMIN NETANYAHU: Yeeeeessss...?
BIDEN: Something has to be done about the Palestinians.
NETANYAHU: Oh, we're doing something about the Palestinians...
BIDEN: Yeah. No. I meant that you need to hold an immediate ceasefire on bombing in Gaza.
NETANYAHU: No.
BIDEN: Right. Right. You need more time. Fair enough. You have to announce that you are considering a ceasefire.
NETANYAHU: No.
BIDEN: Okay. Okay, ceasefire is perhaps too strong a term. Why don't we call it...a humanitarian pause?
NETANYAHU: No.
BIDEN: Just a pause?
NETANYAHU: No.
BIDEN: A temporary cessation?
NETANYAHU: No.
BIDEN: A momentary lapse?
NETANYAHU: (sighs) We have known each other a long time, haven't we?
BIDEN: That's what I've been saying!
NETANYAHU: Okay. So. Israel can agree to stop the bombing of Gaza for...three minutes. Every second Tuesday.
BIDEN: (beaming) Now, that wasn't so hard, was it? And people say that quiet diplomacy doesn't wo -
NETANYAHU: Just as soon as all of the Hamas hostages have been released.
PAUSE.
DARK BRANDON: You couldn't let me enjoy the moment, could you? You just couldn't let me enjoy the fucking moment!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227849]
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