Headlines: The Sassed and the Spurious

Stay In Your Home, Grandpa!

"The rise of SOBER TOURISM
For many people, a vacation is a time to let loose and get tipsy. But what if you don't want to?" - Toronto Star

It Was The Moment They Named It Lear, Macbeth, Hamlet, Inc.

"Was tragedy at hedge fund avoidable?" - Toronto Star

Have You Forgotten Already How Acting Was Fooling Around With Painting Behind Your Back?

"Is it wise to rekindle my passion for acting?" - Toronto Star

One Of Her Corgis

"Who modelled for Queen statue?" - Toronto Star

We All Have Our Own Way Of Becoming Adults

"Is a strip club really worth remembering?" - Toronto Star

Did You Meet Them In A Strip Club?

"Was my first love actually true love?" - Toronto Star

Do What Generations Of Drinkers Who Came Before You Did: Use Them For Target Practice

"Where will I take empties without Beer Store?" - Toronto Star

 When They're Murdering Civilians In My Name, I'll Be Sure To Do That
Thanks For The Advice

"What about calling on Hamas for a ceasefire?" - Toronto Star

Israel Isn't Interested As Long As There Are Weapons Paid For By Its Allies That It Hasn't Used Yet

"How is ceasefire considered controversial?" - Toronto Star

Are You Kidding? The Jokes Are Priceless!

"Is Mar-a-Lago worth $1 billion?" - Toronto Star

 Before I Could Get The Penguin Out Of The Way Of The Pianoforte, The Girl In The Pinafore Whistled For The Taxi Whose Driver Was Sexting With Somebody On OnlyFans And Didn't Notice The Crate Of Watermelons That - What? You Were Talking About The Economy? Oh. Sorry.
Before I could Get The Rhinoceros Out Of The Way Of The Theremin...

"How did this happen?" - Toronto Star

One With Salt And Vinegar, Ketchup AND Barbecue Flavoured...Err, Soaps...

"WHAT IS AN 'EVERYTHING SHOWER'?" - Toronto Star

Sure, If It Comes From The Business End Of A Station Wagon

"Disrespect can be deadly?" - Toronto Sun

The Dark Look My Banker Will Give Me When I Explain What The Twenty Year Loan Is For

"What's not to like about the all new Lexus?" - Toronto Star

As Long As I Can Roll It Over The Hendersons' Porsche, I'm Good

"Can a pickup this big and powerful ever be truly comfortable?" - Toronto Star

 Amelia Could Wander Off And End Up Raised By Beavers
You Had To Ask, Didn't You? You Just Had To Ask!

"A four-day hiking trip with kids: What could go wrong?" - Toronto Star

At Last, Somebody Gets Me!

"It's always someone's else's fault, isn't it?" - Toronto Star

Maybe, But I Can't Afford The Transplant

"An alpine family adventure
Could seeing the world through new eyes make travel magical again?" - Toronto Star

Because They're Busy Picking Petty Fights With Each Other Just To Keep From Falling Asleep

"Why can't our politicians unite us?" - Toronto Star

 A Building That Is Connected To The Internet Of Things
Because When He Watched Terminator, He Thought Skynet Was The Hero?

"What is an Active House and why does he want one?" - Toronto Star

The Prime Minister Has To Breath Some Time...

"Poilievre is crushing Trudeau. Can it last?" - Toronto Star

People Still Believe That? My FU Is Not SFW

"Does U.S. Hide U.F.O.s?" - New York Times

Does The Fact That I Hated Reading About It Count For Anything?

"'Elements of planning,' but is it a hate crime?" - Toronto Star

He Is. It's Just That His Weapon Of Choice Is Interpretive Dance

"Why is Trudeau not fighting back?" - Toronto Star

Silly String. It Should Be Sending Israel $14B Worth Of Silly String

"Should U.S. use fireworks or Silly String?" - Toronto Star

Hiding Behind The Titmouse

"Where's National Security Council when its needed?" - Toronto Star

ChatGPT Says It Will Make Things Better, So I'm Convinced

"The computer will now take your call
Soon you'll find yourself talking to bots rather than humans when you contact call centres as large companies turn to ChatGPT-like software to handle queries. But will that make customer service better - or worse?" - Toronto Star

Would Blaming Trudeau Count?

"Can Ford, Chow find common ground?" - Toronto Star

A Not-So-Buried Fascist Treasure

"What does X mark for Musk?" - Toronto Star

 Yes, But Most Of Them Are Indoors
It's...A Perverse City

"Does Paris Have Too Many Outdoor Cafes?" - New York Times

Not As Long As The Kids Can Get Over Their Fear Of Circus Clowns

"Will husband's dream job destroy our family?" - Toronto Star