Thank you, Engeron Floopjanian III/2, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we planned on having lunch at our favourite restaurant, The Bill's Pasta Due; unfortunately, when we arrived, we discovered that it was closed. Apparently, four of their staff watched a pro-Palestinian march on the street outside the restaurant with smiles on their faces, which got them fired for...well, that part is a little unclear. Smiling with intent to...be amused? Anyway, the two remaining staff did not feel able to cover all six shifts, so the restaurant had to close.
What is it they say about cutting off your noodle to spite your feta?
Enjoy,How can you tell that newborn babies are Nazis? Do they come out of the womb with lightning bolt SS birthmarks on their foreheads? When they get agitated, do their arms fly out in adorable little Nazi salutes? When they cry, does it sound like, "Heil Hamas?"
Or could it be - and I know it's an outlandish suggestion but please just hear me out - that Republican Representative Brian Mast is attempting to excuse Israeli war crimes? No, no, that never happens - SS birthmarks and "Heil Hamas!" it is.
In fact, there were a lot of people lightly throwing around the term "innocent Nazi civilians" during World War II: in 1939, 20,000 American Nazis held a rally at Madison Square Gardens.
History is a bitch.
Mast cannot allow the possibility that the majority of Palestinians have been brutalized by Hamas because that would mean the Israeli destruction of Gaza would be adding suffering upon suffering, and that's not kosher. For one thing, it might interfere with his dream of all of the Jews returning to their homeland so that they can be converted to Christianity. For another thing...aww, who am I kidding? There is no other thing!
If it's any consolation, Muslims will be judged negatively and sent to Hell when Jesus returns; the horrifying massacre in Gaza is just...speeding them along on their inevitable journey.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Then, They Have A Friendly Competition To See Who Has The Most Cringe-worthy Laugh
Turducken Carlson onAlberta Premier Danielle Smith trades grievances with Carlson. Premier Smith talks about how those gosh darn mean environmental activists are trying to bankrupt Alberta. Carlson talks about how those golly gee willikers mean Fox executives tried to bankrupt him. Then, they sing Donald Trump "Happy Birthday" (even though t'ain't).
Recorded brain-dead at the Telus Centre in Calgary.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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EDIT: Potted Plants That Have Traumatic Head Injuries!
There are a lot of reasons to dislike Elon Musk, the main one being his platforming of right wing lunatics. But that's too easy, too much like shooting fascists in a barrel (and wouldn't that be nice?). The main reason I can't stand Musk is that he thinks because he has a lot of money his political pronouncements deserve to command attention. He thinks that because he thinks because he has a lot of money, he's the smartest person in the room.
Listen up, asshole! The only way you're the smartest person in the room is if it is filled with potted plants!
SOURCE: Listen Up, Asshole
[http://www.(^!$%!$.htm#_)!(*)!*)*)*.htm#%!&&%(.com/index.html]
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Hard To Suck Anything Up When The Air Is Solid
Dimuth Karunaratne, one of the captains of the Sri Lankan team playing at the Cricket World Cup in New Delhi, has been charged with attempted murder after a ball he launched hit opposing Bangladeshi Captain Shahib Al Asan in the forehead.
Karunaratne's lawyer, Joel Kuttner, has said his client is innocent. "The smog that hung over the city was nearly total," he stated. "Dimuth could barely see the ball in his hand, let alone the wicket! The game should have been postponed until the haze cleared up!"
"Sissies!" New Delhi Mayor Shelly Oberoi roared in response. "I ran my election campaign when the air quality index was ten times the recommended amount - I had to use an oxygen tank to breath for three weeks after I won! The smog was so bad that half the time I tried shaking people's hands, I ended up shaking their noses! And you want to talk about kissing babies? There are at least seven lawsuits accusing me of kissing people's body parts that I shouldn't have let my lips get anywhere close to! Suck it up, people! We mustn't let a little thing like a deadly, choking smog interfere with the city's enjoyment of the game!"
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#56758133475]
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SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/889.html]
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