Thank you, Faye T. A. Complee, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, to celebrate Halloween, we placed images of dead and mutilated Israeli and Palestinian children all over our front lawn. Why settle for plastic dismembered body parts and ketchup blood when you can have the real thing? Oddly enough, no children came to our door asking for candy. We guess that some years it's harder for parents to get into the spirit of the holidays than others.
Enjoy,SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Former Vice President Mike Pence has announced that he will not be pursuing his bid for the Republican nomination for President. What does that mean for his supporters?
"As you might imagine, Norma and I are disappointed," said Finnegan Finnsterman. "Norma says Ron DeSantis looks good. I don't know - I may just sit this election out. I haven't spoken to Mike's other six supporters, so I can't tell you what they're going to do. I'm sure it will have a big impact on the race, though!"
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1109749800263430.xml]
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History Repeats - It Should Really Do Something About Its Acid Reflux
Pentagon sources claim that the United States has been urging Israel not to make the same mistakes in Gaza as it made in Afghanistan. Israel has stated that it has learned the most important lesson of the American reaction to 9/11.
"So, you won't be committing yourself to an asymmetrical war that will result in horrific civilian casualties, not to mention costing Israel dearly in blood and treasure, a war that could grind on for decades, until you finally quit out of exhaustion without having made the political situation much better, if not actually making it worse?" America asked.
"We won't leave any witnesses," Israel replied.
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2023/ALLPOLITICS/10/28/reps.main/index.html]
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And Thanks To The United States, We Still Have Checks To Write
The United Nations has voted to strongly urge both sides to enact a ceasefire in the Gaza Strip. Israel has rejected the request.
"Why would we agree to a ceasefire?" asked Foreign Affairs Minister Eli Cohen. "We still have bombs to drop!"
SOURCE: The Arad Post
[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1571852490873]
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"They say that Richard Roundtree is one dead mother -"
"Shut your mouth!"
"But I'm talking about Richard Roundtree!"
"Then we can dig his grave."
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Who Is Getting Crushed Depends Upon Whose Hand Turns The Vise
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1676533034]
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FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried, testifying at the trial where he is accused of funnelling billions of dollars out of the accounts of customers for his own personal use, employed a classic defence, shouting, "Hunter Biden's laptop!"
As a legal strategy, the "Hunter Biden's laptop!" defence has had mixed results. It was used successfully by O. J. Simpson, for instance, allowing him to be exonerated for the murder of his wife, Nicole. On the other hand, when Charles Manson invoked it at the trial where he was accused of controlling a cult that killed six people, he was found guilty.
Most recently, Donald Trump has invoked the "Hunter Biden's laptop!" defence in his trial...his multiple trials for - for lots of different things. We'll see if it...they - any of them actually work.
SOURCE: The Legal Unintelligibler
[https://www.law.com/thelegalUnintelligibler/2023/10/25/-/]
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The massacres in Israel and Gaza can be confusing for some people. You've got your spray paint locked and loaded, but should you paint something obscene on the side of a mosque or a synagogue?
On the one hand, Muslims are all terrorists. Everybody knows that. On the other hand, Jews - ah, Jews! - they hoard all the wealth and run the world. Everybody knows that, too. Now, you might think to yourself: If I'm going to be charged with a hate crime, I may as well make it count! But graffiti against which group will have the most impact?
Here's the great thing about the world: you don't have to choose! Get two cans of spray paint and go to town on as many religious buildings (and don't forget to save some aerosol for schools and cemeteries!) as you can!
You might think to yourself (again): I may not be able to spray paint on institutions of both religions before I am arrested. In case that happens, which religion should I spray first? Don't overthink it. Begin with whoever has personal significance for you. That Muslim family that bought a house on your street, the one you're sure is driving down values in the neighbourhood more than the Christians next door who have a car on blocks in the front yard and a jungle in the back? Start with a mosque. That Jew at work who got hired over you just because he works harder and accomplishes more? Start with a synagogue.
Trust us: it's all good.
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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