Thank you, Watchoo Talkin' About, Fani Willis?, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we read that the man who stole the ruby slippers Judy Garland had worn in The Wizard of Oz pleaded guilty to the theft. And we wondered why this story had dragged on for eighteen years. Surely, once they realized what was happening, the ruby slippers could have clicked their heels three times while thinking, There's no place like home. There's no place like home, and found themselves back in the Judy Garland Museum in no time!
Enjoy,SOURCE: T-dot Ts
[http://t-dotts/store/new]
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Other Than Threaten To Ruin The Political Careers Of Those Who Won't Vote For Him, I Mean
Jim Jordan became the latest Republican to try to become Speaker of the House of Representatives, even though he did not get the most votes in a closed door caucus meeting. Historians will no doubt debate the exact moment that Republicans' eyes glazed over and they dully started chanting, "Yeah. I. Have. Confidence. Jim. Will. Be. An. Excellent. Speaker."
Despite this, Jordan was rejected on the first ballot, with 20 Republicans voting for other candidates. He has vowed not to give up, saying that if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try again.
While waiting for his uncertain coronation, Jordan said, "We're going to keep working." This came as a surprise to reporters, who had been trying for months to determine what, exactly, it is that he does.
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2023/ALLPOLITICS/10/18/reps.main/index.html]
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SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=2690537725]
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I Would Have Tried Listening To It At One Eighth Speed, But I Was Afraid It Would Summon One Of The Great Old Ones, And I'm Out Of Sugar And Cream For Coffee
If you have ever seen Vivek Ramaswamy speak, you know he gets his words out very quickly. As a joke, I wondered what he would sound like if I slowed his voice down. The results were...interesting.
When I played the quote "Transgenderism is a mental health disorder. We have to acknowledge the truth of that for what it is. It is not compassionate to affirm a kid's confusion. That is not compassion. That is cruelty" at half speed, for instance, it sounded like: "Lady Gaga is a Montreal kishka order. Weddings at college the Bluth for shivs. Ass not compression formally contusion. That's no compression. That's my wife!"
Playing the quote at one quarter speed was even more enlightening: "German blintz manufacturers breed occasion. Do not under any circumstances overcook the soup. Anchors away, my friend and klutz-mate. Anchors aweigh. That is cruller."
It's fascinating what politicians inadvertently reveal about themselves.
SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Aha! Now, The Shoe Is On The Other Bodyless Foot!
I Liked Being a Jew More When We Were the OppressedSOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/888.html]
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Your Chances Of Re-election?
When asked about his flip-flop on developing the Greenbelt, Ontario Premier Doug Ford pointed across the aisle in Queen's Park and shouted, "Sarah Jama said mean things about Israel's treatment of Palestinians!"
Umm...okay. When another reporter asked about the spa the government planned to build at Ontario Place, Premier Ford loudly responded, "Did you not hear what I said? Jama! Jama! Jama! Mean things! Israel! Israel! Israel! Get with the program!"
In response to a third reporter's question about withholding funding for health care, Premier Ford hit himself in the forehead with the palm of his right hand and screamed, "Can we please focus on what's important, here!"
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2005/01/22/509727.html]
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The Internal Revenue Service claims Microsoft owes the US Treasury $28.9 billion in back taxes. It argues that between 2004 and 2013 the company reported lower profits in high-tax countries and higher profits in lower-tax jurisdictions in order to minimize its overall tax burden.
"Where have I heard that before?" smirked former President Donald Trump. "They learned it from me, that's where. They find my bookkeeping methods inspiring. Hunh. Inspiring. Not like the thugs and criminals and - oops, did I cross a line, there? I'm sorry. I meant 'very fine people' - in the New York Attorney General's office. Those people, man. They probably eat rutabagas for breakfast. They look like rutabaga eaters, don't they? Whaaaat? Can't a president talk about rutabagas without violating the conditions of his bail? And that's why Vladimir Putin will win the war in Ukrainialand!"
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB113413397491118404,07.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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