Quotes Would Never Admit to Farting in the Elevator, But Yeah, It Was Them...

"The Four Year-old With The Swastika Tattoo Tells You All You Need To Know!"

"Are you seriously - keep asking me about Palestinian civilians? What is wrong with you? Have you not seen what happened? We're fighting Nazis!" - former Israeli President Naftali Bennett on carpet bombing Gaza in retaliation for Hamas' attack on Israel

So You Can Blow It Up Again?

"We've been at this two weeks. American people deserve to have their government functioning." - Speaker of the House wannabe Jim Jordan

 One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others. One Of These Things Doesn't Belong.
Tory Leader Flunks Sesame Street

"What does he do when the heat starts? He will once again tear apart the country, turn Canadian against Canadian. We know how he does it. He divides by race, sexuality, vaccine status and now region." - Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre about Prime Minister Justin Trudeau's offer to pause the carbon tax for Maritimers who still use oil furnaces

A Process That I, Err, Didn't Know Was Happening - It Was Such A Surprise!

"I'm not happy with the process... But I have to build these things or the crisis we're in is just going to get worse." - Ontario Premier Doug Ford on the decision to open the Greenbelt up to developers

 That's Kind Of You, But Totally Unnecessary
As A Modern Conservative, You Will Never Have My Trust

"I made a promise to you that I wouldn't touch the Greenbelt. I broke that promise... As a first step to earning back your trust, I'll be reversing the changes." - Ontario Premier Doug Ford a few days later

The Fact That My Supreme Court Picks Gave Him The Power To Do It Is Beside The Point

"I think what he did is a terrible thing and a terrible mistake" - Donald Trump on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signing a six week abortion ban

Why You Thought Your Group Would Be Different Is Anybody's Guess

"I think all pro-lifers should know that he's preparing to sell you out." - Ron DeSantis responding to Donald Trump

And If He Keeps Doing This, I'm Going To Have To Find A New Modus Operandi So People Can Tell Us Apart - And Just When This One Was Working So Well For Me!

"The Prime Minister hasn't provided any facts. He provided a statement." - Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre

Some People Are Late Bloomers...

"We're going to do our job. We're going to be adults in the room. And we're going to keep government open." - House Speaker Kevin McCarthy on bringing a clean bill to continue funding the government to the floor and passing it with Democratic votes

...Although They Don't Necessarily Lose Their Childish Petulance In The Process

"If somebody wants to remove me because I want to be the adult in the room, go ahead and try." - same Speaker, same issue

"So, Could You Please Stop With All This Constitution Mishegas Already? It's Giving Me A Migraine!"

"The Presidential oath, which the framers of the Fourteenth Amendment surely knew, requires the President to swear to 'preserve, protect and defend' the Constitution - not to 'support' the Constitution. Because the framers chose to define the group of people subject to Section Three by an oath to 'support' the Constitution of the United States, and not by an oath to 'preserve, protect and defend' the Constitution, the framers of the Fourteenth Amendment never intended for it to apply to the President." - former president Donald Trump

 And You Cannot Bring Yourself To Make The Connection Between This Rise And Aspects Of Israel's Treatment Of The Palestinians
So, Where Does That Leave Us?

"[Shree] Paradkar acknowledges that anti-semitic incidents are, regrettably, increasing globally. What she, regrettably, cannot bring herself to do is make the connection between this rise and aspects of pro-Palestine activism." - James Levinsohn, Toronto Star

Who Knew The Conservative Party Platform Was Actually Stephen King Fan Fiction?

"He trembled in the corner of the office, shaking in the fetal position, begging me to cancel the rally to take the heat off him." - Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre about Prime Minister Justin Trudeau

 ...For Us
Palestinians Will Have To Wait For Their Turn To Say "Never Again"

"Our heroic soldiers have one supreme goal: to destroy the murderous enemy and ensure our existence in our land...'Never again' is now." - Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu

Unfortunately, Common Folk Don't Pay My Bills

"You're saying they're like my friends. I have more friends that are common folk than builders." - Premier Doug Ford denying having special relationships with developers

 Republicans Are The Party Openly Opposed To Fun
This Should Make 2024 Fu - Interesting...

"In university, I did extensive studies of homosexual relationships. Study after study, some were larger than others. My studies clearly show that, although they are more satisfying than hetero relationships, they are bad. Society cannot give its stamp of approval to such a fun lifestyle. If we change marriage for this happy minority, we will have to do it for every happy group." - House Speaker Mike Johnson

Workers Not Trusting Business Leaders To Pay Them Fair Wages Out Of The Goodness Of Their Hearts?
Oh, Yeah. Inflation Is Definitely To Blame For That

"I think, sadly, what you're seeing is exactly what inflation does. Inflation erodes confidence in institutions, it erodes confidence in governments... We are seeing more strikes in this country, you're seeing more strikes in other countries." - Bank of Canada Governor Tiff Macklem

Dinners Served On Only The Finest Krystall Every Nacht

"Are you looking for somewhere your children can play with others that look like them? Are they tired of being a minority in their schools or daycares? Escape forced 'diversity' and join other proud parents of European children as we create an atmosphere in which our kids can feel like they belong." - posters advertising "whites only" playgroups in Coquitlam and Port Coquitlam, BC

Indigenous People, Non-binary People And Jews Got Into A Fistfight To Determine Who Would Be The First To Have A Word With Her

"They [the unvaccinated] have been the most discriminated against group that I've ever witnessed in my lifetime. That's a pretty extreme level of discrimination that we've seen. Tweet This. That's a pretty extreme level of discrimination that we've seen." - Alberta Premier Danielle Smith