Thank you, Flapdoodle the Mystery Gorilla, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, when we stood up, our leg joints made a very loud * snikt * sound. We're not that old, we thought to ourselves. That must be our adamantium claws extending themselves. You know, just like Wolverine's. Yeah. That's what that sound was. It was the adamantium claws...in our knees. Because we...we have a...a unique fighting style. And...and...and...
Aww, shit! Maybe we are that old!
Enjoy,After 30 years of stalwart service, the right is considering dropping the description "pro-life." This comes at a time when polls show that this term is associated with forcing teenage girls to give birth to children of rapists and increasing maternal mortality rates; oddly enough, the public generally isn't in favour of things like that. Republican politicians are considering calling themselves "pro-baby" instead.
"I'm not offended by that term," responded former President and 2024 election dead weight presidential hopeful Donald Trump. "Babies are beautiful. Why should I be offended if the Republicans call themselves ‘pro-baby?'"
Expect a midnight rage-a-ganza on Truth Antisocial when he figures it out.
SOURCE: Womyn's e-Vents
[http://www.womynsevents.fem/article.cfm/dyn/aid/1235]
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Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre is like the kid in front of the dike springing leaks. No sooner does he stick his finger in the leak in the party platform that would ban providing medical or surgical treatment for minors asserting a non-binary gender identity, than a leak supporting "women-only" spaces like bathrooms opens up. Once he puts a finger in that leak, another opens up affirming that people have a right to refuse vaccines for moral or religious reasons.
It's a good thing the Conservative Party convention was scheduled for three days - Poilievre only has two hands!
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2023/09/10/509727.html]
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SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Fani, You Should Say That...
Fulton County, Georgia DA Fani Willis has responded to Chair of the House Judiciary Committee Jim Jordan's demands that she give him documents related to her case against former President Donald Trump. Much of her response is couched in legalese, so we have translated it into plain English for those who have not studied the law.
"Its obvious purpose is to obstruct a Georgia criminal proceeding and to advance outrageous misrepresentations. As I make clear below, there is no justification in the Constitution for Congress to interfere with a state criminal matter, as you attempt to do." TRANSLATION: "Its obvious purpose is to obstruct a Georgia criminal proceeding and to advance outrageous misrepresentations. As I make clear below, there is no justification in the Constitution for Congress to interfere with a state criminal matter, as you attempt to do."
"Face this reality, Chairman Jordan: the select group of defendants who you fret over in my jurisdiction are like every other defendant, entitled to no worse or better treatment than any other American citizen." TRANSLATION: "Face this reality, Chairman Jordan: the select group of defendants who you fret over in my jurisdiction are like every other defendant, entitled to no worse or better treatment than any other American citizen."
"Your letter makes clear that you lack a basic understanding of the law, its practice and the ethical obligations of attorneys generally and prosecutors specifically." TRANSLATION: "I got your number, Mister Chairman, and this is one lottery you sure as hell ain't gonna win!"
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1061&dir=bb]
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This Week In Nuclear Disasters
* The Chinese government is promoting the idea that treated wastewater released by the Japanese government from the ruined Fukushima nuclear power plant is a health hazard, even though wastewater from Chinese nuclear power plants is far more dangerous. Talk about the pot calling the kettle "a kitchen appliance that wants to kill you! Be afraid! Be very, very afraid!"
* Hunters have been warned to avoid wild boars in the German countryside, which have an unhealthy amount of nuclear radiation stored in their bodies. As it happens, the radiation did not come from the Chernobyl nuclear meltdown: it came from European nuclear tests that happened in the 1950s and 1960s. "Vindication!" Energoatom exulted.
* Ontario is pushing the development of more nuclear power plants as an alternative to carbon-spewing energy sources like oil and natural gas. "By the time we have to deal with the waste," explained Premier Doug Ford, "there will be little of the Greenbelt left to contaminate - talk about win-win!"
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=541]
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Hazards Are Showing Up Everywhere, But That's Just The Way The Infrastructure Crumbles...
At the same time as the British government has to cope with school buildings whose concrete structures are collapsing, it now has to focus on the escape of a former British soldier from a prison, where he had been awaiting trial on terror charges.
"Moving forward, my government has every intention of coordinating our core incompetencies," Prime Minister Rishi Sunak tried to assure the public. "If, for instance, we had applied the crumbling concrete of our schools to the justice system, the prisoner would have been too unconscious to be able to escape!"
SOURCE: The Smarmian
[http://www.thesmarmian.com/world/2023/sep/10/sunak-dont-talk-back]
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