Thank you, Ilve Hard-Boyle, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we were looking forward to some serious spa time at Ontario Place when some do-gooding know-nothings protested. They complained about public land being used for private profit, as if Buddhism's tenet that ownership is an illusion of ego had never existed. They claimed that the spa would spoil the natural environment - as if an Imax theatre was environmentally friendly! They argued that the spa would be a place that only the rich could affor - wait, what? They plan on charging how much for a sauna and a massage‽ How are we supposed to afford that on a journalist's salary‽
Burn it down! Burn it down! Burn it down!
Enjoy,Have You Ever Noticed How It Takes Just One Extremists To Ruin A Religion For The Rest Of Us?
MAHMOUD MOURRA: Hi. I'm Mahmoud Mourra...
LARRY HEATHER: And I'm Larry Heather.
MOURRA: We do not agree on much -
HEATHER: You got that straight! You are a heathen who will burn in Hell for all eternity.
MOURRA: And you are an infidel who will not be looked upon favourably by Allah when he dies.
HEATHER: Still, there is one thing we both agree on, Mahmet.
MOURRA: That's right, Harry. We both agree that gay people are coming after our children.
HEATHER: And that's evil, so we must do whatever is in our power to stop it.
MOURRA: Exactly. Now, I happen to believe in a god of love.
HEATHER: Really? What about Jihads?
MOURRA: Pfft! Non-believers have misinterpreted a personal aspect of our beliefs in order to paint a negative picture of Islam.
HEATHER: Well, I believe in a god of love.
MOURRA: Really? What about the Crusades?
HEATHER: That's ancient history that's used by non-believers to make Christians look bad.
MOURRA: And people think we have nothing in common!
Both men laugh.
MOURRA: But seriously, Jerry. We may believe in gods of love, but what truly unites us is hate.
HEATHER: That's right, Moammar. Because our gods may love us, but they teach us to have little tolerance for people who are not like us!
Both men laugh. But they eye each other warily.
ANNOUNCER: This conversation was brought to you by The End is Nigh, Inc. - scaring the gullible for thousands of years!
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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If Enough People Ask For It, Quaker Oats May Add It To The Recipe
After 60 years, Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch is finally getting the fourth stripe on his uniform that signifies that his rank is more than ceremonial. The good Captain is now clear to take the helm of one of the country's nuclear submarines.
I'll be celebrating by crushing iodine tablets into my daily breakfast cereal for the rest of my life.
SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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The Big Sleep Of Reason
Donald Trump's lawsuit against CNN, claiming that its insistence on calling his assertion that the 2020 election was stolen from him "the Big Lie" was tantamount to comparing him to Adolf Hitler, has been dismissed.
Donald Trump is clearly not Adolf Hitler. Hitler loved his dog.
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2023/ALLPOLITICS/07/28/reps.main/index.html]
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Netflix has stated that it makes local stories for local audiences. "When we're making shows in Korea, we're going to make sure it's for Koreans," said Minyoung Kim, Netflix' vice president of content in Asia. "When we're making shows in Japan, it is going to be for the Japanese. In Thailand, It's going to be for the Thai people. We're not trying to make everything global."
What about Canada? "Canada? Why would we make shows for the people of the 51st American state?"
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now, Canada!
[http://www.canada.com/globulltv/globullshows/ern_canada.html]
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What A Difference An Indictment Makes
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml][http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Apparently, You Can Check Out And Leave
At the age of 77, Eagles founder Randy Meisner has decided to permanently take it easy.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Why Am I Not Experiencing The Element Of Surprise?
Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre is defending a decision to pay for the lawyer used by the whistleblower who brought down his leadership rival Patrick Brown.
"If my campaign hadn't done that," Poilievre said, "I might not have won. What better reason could there be?"
So, if somebody close to him was to claim that he was racist, the head of the campaign that supports whistleblowers would accept it? "Now, now," Poilievre responded, "politics always requires an element of compromise."
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
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The Brexit Wrecks It Sketch
CLEESE: You see this Brexit bill that I bought?
PALIN: Yeah. Beautiful racism. What's wrong with it?
CLEESE: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, mate. It's tanked the British economy. That's what's wrong with it.
PALIN: Naah. It's just dormant.
CLEESE: Dormant?
PALIN: Yeah. Give it another few years, and it'll rev the economy right up.
CLEESE: It's not dormant! It's destructive!
PALIN: Naah. It's dormant. Beautiful racism.
CLEESE: The racism don't enter into it! When I approved it in a referendum not seven years ago, you assured me that it was going to create more and better jobs for Britons. Instead, the GDP has shrunk by four per cent, more people are out of work and some products are hard to find!
PALIN: Of course.
CLEESE: Of course‽ What do you mean, "Of course‽"
PALIN: If Brexit didn't do all that - VROOM! - the British economy would have overheated!
CLEESE: Overheated? What kind of talk is that? I demand another referendum!
PALIN: I got a slug.
CLEESE: A slug is hardly compensation for a stalling economy, is it?
PALIN: No. (pause) Let me see how I can make good on this.
CLEESE: (to camera) If you want economic justice in the country, you have to talk until nobody's blue in the politics!
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/deadparrotliveissue.shtml]
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