Thank you, Cassiopeia Alpha, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we were all for - cough cough - vaccines and stuff during - hack hack - COVID, but we had had enough - HAAAAAACK! - of masks, so we ignored the air quality warnings and - hunh! - and - hunh! - and - hunh hack cough - went about our business with naked faces.
Now, we're going to - wheeeeeeeeeze - rest for a few - cough cough cough cough cough - days and think about the idea of - hack - freedom. Think about it really - wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze...
Enjoy,A still-life fresco recently discovered in an archeological site in Pompeii looks like it depicts a pizza on a table. Round? Check. Red of tasty tasty tomato pasty? Check. Other ingredients, maybe onions and peppers, maybe something more exotic, on top? Check. But "experts" say it can't be because tomatoes and mozzarella cheese weren't eaten 2,000 years ago.
Experts! Sheesh!
Obviously, the aliens who visited Pompeii before Vesuvius made an ash of the place brought pizza with them! Not only is the fresco proof of an extraterrestrial visitation, but it also shows that aliens introduced pizza into the human diet! Just one more thing to be grateful to our visitors from the stars for!
SOURCE: Frank's Fourth In Line To Be The Ultimate Conspiracy Page
[http://www.ignorefrankatyourperil.com/conspiracy2308.html]
more
As With So Many Principles Of Good Writing, AI Hallucinated It Out Of Existence
Gargle and Farcebook have announced that, in response to the Canadian government's plans to tax their platforms to pay for Canadian news content, they will stop linking to Canadian news sources. What will this look like? This. It will look like this:What ever happened to show, don't tell?
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32322641314641314687fx]
more
KFC: The Tastiest Of Empty Government Patronage Gestures
The Ford government has quietly brought back a special designation, K.F.C., and handed it out to many Tory politicians, staffers and loyalists. Patronage? Patronizingly so.
People who put the K.F.C. after their names used to be affiliated with the fast food franchise known by those initials. However, over time the title was given out to so many people who had so little chicken frying experience that it became meaningless.
"People in the profession know what a crock pot it is," said franchise owner Maryke Maimonides, "but members of the general public may think it still confers prestige on the person it's given to. This makes me so mad, I could strangle a chicken...but by the time the reconstituted protein arrives at our restaurant, it doesn't have a neck!"
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1078591884813&call_pageid=968845275492&col=968231984154]
more
Would You Want To Be The Lawyer Who Cleans Up After The Stable Genius' Mess?
Former Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro was barred from running for office again until 2030 after a panel of judges concluded that he abused his power.
"Judges, hunh," responded former American President and avowed Jairhead Donald Trump. "I told Joey Bolts - I looked him straight in the eye and I said, 'Joey, you've got to do something about the courts in your country before they do something to you.' I offered to send him Mitch McConnell - he didn't have a majority in the Senate, so he was of no use to me - to help him sort the whole court thing out. Joey Bolts told me he could handle it. Well, who's being handled, now, Joey? Hunh? Shoulda listened to the stable genius whinny when you had the chance!"
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2023Jun28.html]
more
Contradiction Not Worth Thinking Twice Over
THEORY: Doublethink Dissonance: When a person believes in two mutually exclusive conspiracy theories.
EXAMPLE: "If you believe that President Joe Biden is a feeble old man who is being manipulated by those around him to end American democracy while at the same time believing he is the mastermind behind a vast criminal conspiracy involving his family, you will likely feel doublethink dissonance."
DISCUSSION: In ordinary psyches, dissonance creates tension, which often manifests in aberrant behaviour. The conspiratorial psyche, by way of contrast, refuses to recognize dissonance, being able to hold contradictory positions as if both were true. The condition does not lead the sufferer to engage in increasingly anti-social behaviour: any aberrant behaviour engaged in by the subject manifests because they think it's fun.
SOURCE: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV)
[not available online]
For Some Political Problems, No Amount Of Technology Will HelpFlorida Governor Ron DeSantis looks into the camera and earnestly says: "I love puppies. And ice cream. Who doesn't love puppies and ice cream? Demo - Demo - Demo - nobody. Everybody loves puppies and ice cream. And I'm just a regular guy. So, I love puppies and ice cream. Not together, obviously. I love them separately. Just like every other regular guy. Because I am a regular guy..."
The problem with the video is not that it's obviously a deep fake. The problem with the video is that if it's meant to portray the Republican candidate for the presidency as relatable, it fails: he's still about as likeable as a fart in a hot tub.
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/020723/geeklynews/01desantisclauseiscomingtotown.htm]
more
I Know That If It Is To Survive, Journalism Must Innovate, But I'm Of Two Minds On This Particular New Idea...
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated that out-of-control wildfires and the smog that they distribute over wide areas are proof that climate change is real and immediate action is necessary. Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre stated that "climate extremists" are raising concerns about wildfires as the justification for seizing control of western oil resources.
"We must do something to have a world that our children can live in," Trudeau said.
"Don't listen to the Prime Minister," Poilievre said. "He's just a shill for the moochers who want to take the money Albertans have earned and give it to drug users and drag queens!"
This is the kind of journalism you can expect from a merger of NordStar and PostMedia.
SOURCE: Wryerson X University Corporate Named University Journalism Review
[http://www.cnuuniversity.ca/jr/online/blahberty1.html]
more