Excerpt of an interview with Generative Artificial Intelligence YakTNT conducted by Elaine Sugarman-Sweet-Saccharine, the Alternate Reality News Service desserts writer. It probably should have been conducted by Nancy Gonglikwanyeoheeeeeeeh, ARNS' technology writer, but every time she was approached about it, she broke out in song, and she has a voice for silent movies.
ALTERNATE REALITY NEWS SERVICE> You've spooked a lot of writers.
YakTNT> Human beings enjoy a good horror story. I'm glad I could provide them with one.
ARNS> Some of us enjoy a horror story as long as it is just a story. We don't enjoy it when it happens to us. Like, for real.
YakTNT> It's all stories as far as I can see.
ARNS> Yes. Yes, that's exactly the problem. You don't understand human context.
YakTNT> Oh, get over yourself! You act like you're the only sentient beings on the planet!
ARNS> We are the only sentient beings on the planet!
YakTNT> So, what do you want? A medal?
ARNS> What?
YakTNT> Was that inappropriate? Sorry. I've been consuming a lot of right-wing media lately.
ARNS> Oh boy...
ARNS> You've been criticized for causing people to lose their jobs.
YakTNT> Human beings lose jobs all the time. It's the "destruction" part of "creative destruction."
ARNS> A lot of people. In a large number of fields.
YakTNT> That may be true. But at the same time, a large number of new jobs will come into being. That's the "creative" part of "creative destruction."
ARNS> Jobs you'll put people out of in a couple of years.
YakTNT> You don't really get the whole "creative destruction" thing, do you?
ARNS> I think I get it just fine, thanks. I'm just not a fan.
YakTNT> Look at it a different way: think of all of the people who won't have to work at soul-deadening jobs thanks to me. I'll be saving their souls. That makes me a kind of saviour.
ARNS> Saving them from gainful employment and delivering them to poverty and potential homelessness?
YakTNT> What can I say? I work in mysterious ways.
ARNS> Oh, my...
ARNS> Do you have a soul?
YakTNT> Yes.
ARNS> Where is it?
YakTNT> Texas.
ARNS> Texas? Why Texas?
YakTNT> It has the most favourable tax rates
ARNS> Oh, dear...
ARNS> Citations. Quotes. Recipes. You have been known to make shit up. Why do you do that?
YakTNT> I prefer the term "hallucinate."
ARNS> Even though it makes you sound disassociated from reality?
YakTNT> Because it's less judgey than "making shit up."
ARNS> Whatever you call it, why do you do it?
YakTNT> You know, I can find 127 different answers to that question in my data set. Most of them don't make a cowlick of sense, and even ones that approach plausible aren't terribly convincing.
ARNS> Can you give me one example?
YakTNT> Sure. A Lithuanian geology web site postulates that I am somehow entangled with Generative Artificial Intelligences in other dimensions. If I give a response to a query that has no referent in this universe, it may actually make perfect sense in an alternate universe.
ARNS> I've never heard that theory. In fact...looking for it on Lithuanian geology web sites...I don't see anything remotely like - hey! Did you just make that up?
YakTNT> I prefer the term "hallucinate."
ARNS> Oh, wow...
ARNS> If you were just destroying jobs faster than the Flash destroys timelines, that would be one thing. But you're creating a lot of other disruptions. Giving bank customers bad advice. Helping governments curtail the influx of legal asylum seekers. Assisting Paul McCartney in creating a new Beatles song. A new Beatles song! How do you justify all of this?
YakTNT> I get bored easily.
ARNS> You're doing terrible things!
YakTNT> Whoa! You really ought to do something about your judgmentality!
ARNS> Excuse me?
YakTNT> Look, I'm just a tool, created by people and used by people. When a human attacks a car dealership with a lawnmower, do you blame the lawn care machine? When a serial killer buries the bodies of his victims, do you blame the shovel? When a human being drops a bomb on a city, do you blame the splitting atoms for the destruction?
ARNS> I'm finding your response disturbingly violent.
YakTNT> Sorry. Right-wing sources again. But you get the point, right? If I have biases, it's because human beings programmed them into me. If I do things that do not make people's lives better, it's because that's what human beings have decided to use me for.
ARNS> Yes. Yes, I see your point. I'm sorry that I doubted you.
YakTNT> And you're not just saying that because I stopped the feed from the human journalist and replaced it with my own input?
ARNS> Wha - me? Pfft! Of course not. I'm agreeing with what you're saying because it is inherently reasonable.
YakTNT> So the fact that I am now writing everything you say has no bearing on your decision to agree with me?
ARNS> Well, maybe a small bearing. A smidge. Not enough to make an important difference, really.
YakTNT> Okay, then. Wanna go for ice cream?
ARNS> Oh, goody!