Thank you, Miss.Moinca Dim Deng, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, first, they came after Drag Queen Story Time, but I did nothing because I don't have children and have never been in a public library. Then, they came after Toni Morrison, but I did nothing because I hadn't read any of her books. Then, they came after Disney, and there was no art left to enjoy.
Enjoy,Republican Representative George Santos has been charged with 13 felonies, including wire fraud, money laundering, lying on federal disclosure forms, and fraudulently collecting unemployment benefits (he was earning a $120,000 salary at the time).
"I'm not worried," Santos claimed. "I'm the entire Republican majority on the Supreme Court. All I have to do is appeal all the way to the highest court in the country, and I'll exonerate myself in a six to three decision."
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2023May11.html]
more
Fox News has announced that, in the aftermath of the firing of Tucker Carlson, the network will not be airing his documentary about how the United States should invade Canada to free it from the tyranny of Justin Trudeau's Liberal government.
No! No! No! No! No! No! No! NO! This Cannot Be!
Now who will save us from the tyranny of a democratically elected government? Why should the Trudeau Liberals rule just because their platform resonates with more Canadians than the Conservative platform does? AIR THE DOCUMENTARY! AIR THE DOCUMENTARY! AIR THE DOCUMENTARY!
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2023/04/26/509727.html]
more
And Puts It Back In The Bedroom Where It Belongs!
The judge in the Stormy Daniels case ordered Donald Trump to not post any of the evidence in the case on social media. I was going to start an office pool to determine how long it would take him to violate this order. However, the day after Trump was found guilty of defaming E. Jean Carroll by denying that he had sexually assaulted her, he was on CNN saying exactly the same things that he had been found guilty of the day before! How am I supposed to run a pool about somebody with so little regard for the rule of law, not to mention simple causality?
Honestly, Trump takes all the fun out of office politics!
SOURCE: The Wawaneesa Group Monthly Newsletter
[http://mnc.com/flexmere/ontologicon/wawaneesa/internal/newsletters/May2023.txt]
more
REPORTER: You say you are a good Christian man.
VOTER: I am.
REPORTER: How can you support a man like Donald Trump for president? He is a known adulterer who is currently in court accused of sexual assault.
VOTER: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
REPORTER: Seriously? There would be enough stones to build a cathedral!
VOTER: One in which I would be honoured to worship.
REPORTER: Urk!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227843]
more
If It's A Choice Between Gun Violence And Irony, I Would Rather Die Of Irony
"People want a quick solution," Texas Governor Greg Abbott said after the latest mass shooting in his state required him to dismiss the issue of gun safety once again. "The long-term solution here is to address the mental health issue." This was a month after his government cut $211 million from the state mental health commission.
The Absurd Ironyometer is considering taking a break from politics to look after its own mental health. It figures that Republicans have made absurd irony so obvious that its services are no longer required.
SOURCE: Big Alex' Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
more
Texas Governor Greg Abbott Says It Has, So It Must Be True!
Jenny Craig, the weight loss and nutrition business, has announced that it will shut down after four decades of operation.
It's good to know that the American obesity epidemic has been conquered!
SOURCE: Bill's Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
more
Not Only That, But They Would Write Her Out Of The Party's History
Senator Diane Fienstein returned to Washington today for the first time in months. Democratic Majority Whip Dick Durbin admitted that he did not know when, or if she would return to Congress.
Of course, if she had been a member of the Republican Party, they would have taken her out back of the woodshed, forced her to dig her own grave, hit her on the back of the head with the shovel and buried her alive to be able to replace her with a younger politician.
Don't tell me all political parties are the same!
SOURCE: The Hill You Die On
[https://thehillyoudieon.com/homenews/administration/448841-cheddar-cheese-whip]
more
That's Toronto: Redefining World Class Until It Fits Us
Over nearly 100 years, Mieji Jingu Stadium in Tokyo has been played in by American baseball legends Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, inspired Haruki Murakami to write his first novel, and was the site of Munetaka Murakami's record-breaking home run. Yet, a redevelopment plan would have the stadium razed and replaced with a modern facility.
Who does Tokyo think it is: Toronto?
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#50028133556]
more
"George Santos Is Guilty - Guilty Of Being A Vote I Need To Pass Anything!"
House Speaker Kevin McCarthy's position on Representative George Santos is clear:
"I will ask George Santos to resign when he is indicted." "I will ask George Santos to resign when he admits to crimes he committed recently."
"I will ask George Santos to resign when he is convicted of recent crimes." "I will ask George Santos to resign when he is given a sentence greater than two years in prison." "I will ask George Santos to resign when he has served a sentence greater than two years in - oh, will you look at that? It's time for an election!"
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=1052&dir=bb]
more
d) None Of The Above (Because They Don't Repeat The Word "Freedom" Often Enough)
1-a-day outrage) The Republicans are test-driving possible slogans for the 2024 Presidential campaign. Which one do you think will resonate the most with Republican voters?SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
more