Ask the Tech Answer Guy To Allay Your (Unfounded) Fears [ARNS]

Yo, Tech Answer Guy,

Love the tie. Did you mug a cadaver at the morgue?

I've been reading a lot about this social media platform called Twitherd lately. It seemed like a good place to promote my Kevin Sorbo Appreciation Society (his chin can act better than three quarters of Robert DeNiro's face! Reasonable people can disagree on which features are included, but the ratio is always the same). But I have heard that is a horrible swamp of evil people who will jump all over anybody who expresses an opinion that that herd of black sheeple doesn't like.

If I sign up, do you think I will be able to freely express my admiration for Adenoid Hinkel, or should I just comment on how horrible I think race mixing is for society and let my twerps read between the lines?

Yo, Gordo,

Twitherd can, indeed, be a difficult place for people with progressive o - say what‽

Love the tie. I've always wanted to know what the afterlife would look like without actually dying.

You see, that is exactly the kind of reaction I was hoping to avoid. So, I guess I shouldn't talk about how much Adenoid Hinkel loved his dog (and his people) and focus, instead, on the coming race war?

Yo, Gord Gecko,

Sorry. I - you surprised me, that's all. Open racism is something that usually happens to other advice columnists - you never think it will happen to you.

Your opinions, as expressed in your question, are abhorrent to decent people everywhere. The first rule of the Macho Code of Manliness is "First, do no harm." (Nobody would say the MCM is original - rather, it is a distillation of age-old wisdom. Like a male Oprah.) You sound like you would do harm first. And second. And all of the ordinal numbers that follow. Harming others is the ocean in which you flounder.

I'm sure you'll be very popular on Elon Musk's Twitherd.

Love the tie. Did Timothy Leary throw up all over it, or does it look like that on purpose?

You recently responded to a question by dissing Elon Musk. Don't you know that, next to President Trump, he's the last, best hope to keep our country from becoming a prison camp where everybody is forced to become a homosexual, alternately performing in or watching Drag Queen Story Hour forever?

Yo, Prit B,

Aaaack! This is why I try to avoid questions about politics! You wanna know how to install a PD37 air injection dongle into a 70s era triple-merged framistat? I can help you with that. Not from personal experience, naturally, but I know people who know things. The great thing about that is that triple-merged framistats are not going to offend anybody. Well, okay, they will offend fans of double-merged framistats - they can be very sensitive on the subject. The point is that there are not enough of them for a movement, so they can be easily ignored.

You wanna know how to make the pet android orangutan less likely to kill your entire family while you sleep? Who doesn't? I know how to murderous pet-proof your house from over a thousand different electronic species! (Garbadors are the worst!) How to house train homocidal hominids is not a partisan issue. Nobody has ever said, "Electric sheep? They're so woke!"

But a neo-Nasty wants to know something about social media, and right away my inbox gets filled with death threats, hate mail and pleas to donate money to Trump's reelection defence fund. I don't even have to say anything, and it's just there, waiting for me, like a cop car at a speed trap. And I follow all of the rules of the road - the MCM demands no less. Can we just reset this crazy pinball game and forget this ever happened?

Nice tie. Is it your entry for Worst Dressed Man of the Year? The field is tough, but I really think you have a shot.

Yo, Perry,

People can be so cruel.

The Tech Answer Guy

If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: the tie was a gift from my dearly departed relative The Tech Answer Bubbe. So if you feel the need to decry the tie, I may have to ask you to step outside!