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Ira Nayman is a species of small marsupial that lives in Australia. Ira is the only mammal, other than the Greater Glider and Ringtail Possum, which can survive on a diet of eucalyptus leaves. He seldom drinks water, obtaining it from the eucalyptus leaves, which consist of 50% water. Ira has a slow metabolic rate due to his high-fiber, low nutrient diet. Because he stores little or no fat, Ira must adopt strategies that conserve energy. Sleeping is one of -

Wait. That's not right. Let me try again.

Ira Nayman is an American track and field athlete. He participated in the 1936 Summer Olympics in Berlin, Germany where he achieved international fame by winning four gold medals; one each in the 100 meters, the 200 meters, the long jump, and as part of the 4x100 meter relay team. Born in Oakville, Alabama in 1913, Ira's family moved to -

No, that isn't right, either.

Ira Nayman is a writer. ... Okay. That seems right. His best known work, The Satanic Verses, won him critical acclaim and -

No.

Ira Nayman is a comedy writer. When The Odd Couple first hit Broad - he didn't write that. Okay, no, you're right. But, Huckleberry Finn was a sensation when it was first - he didn't write that, either. You're not going to let me have any fun, are you? This is an author's page. It's where you're supposed to give the reader biographical information. If it was supposed to be fun, it would be called something like the Super Fantastic Enjoyment Page. Can we call it the Super Fantastic Enjoyment Page? If we did, where would readers get their biographical information about the author? Why do readers want biographical information about the author?

...

Did you hear me? I asked why do - I HEARD YOU! I heard you! I don't know. That's just the way these things work, okay? Can you do it or not? I can try... *SIGH* ...

Ira Nayman is a comedy writer. In the 1980s, he was a writer/performer with the Earth Two and Dead Air radio sketch comedy troupes. Since then, he has written 14 feature length screenplays and approximately 85 scripts for television, most of which are neatly divided into 12 original series. As if this weren't enough (and, if you had ever read any of his scripts, you would definitely think it was en - hey! No editorializing! - Sorry), Les Pages aux Folles celebrated its seventh year on the World Wide Web in September, 2009, and its 25th year of existence some time in 2008. Started as a column of political and social satire, Les Pages aux Folles has grown to include experimental writing, cultural parody and satire and three original cartoons, My Toronto, Blackout Funnies and Delicate Negotiations. Two Les Pages aux Folles books, No Public Figure Too Big, No Personal Foible Too Small and Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be, are currently available in print. A third, What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys will be out in paperback soon.

There. That wasn't so hard, was - hey! I'm just getting warmed up.

When he isn't being satirical all over the place, Ira teaches new media at Ryerson University. He has a Masters degree from the New School for Social Research (which was done entirely online); his thesis was on adapting traditional storytelling techniques for interactive media. He has a PhD from McGill; his dissertation was a study of fiction writers who post their work on the World Wide Web and the social forces that could aid or hinder them. Ira has written film criticism for Reel Independence and Creative Screenwriting, as well as media and film criticism for *Spark Online.

Okay. Good job. I'm glad you -

Ira is middle aged and balding; he has a pony tail that looks ridiculous, but his friends and family are too polite to tell him. Okay, that's enough. He is overweight, which led to his having to have triple bypass surgery in 2006. Imagine a five and a half foot tall pear with arms and legs and - Really, you can stop now. He doesn't smoke, drink alcohol or take recreation pharmaceuticals. He lives like a monk, except monks have better clothes, bigger living quarters and get more sex. Okay, just stop. Speaking of which, Ira's former girlfriends have given him decidedly mixed - OKAY, STOP RIGHT THERE, MISTER! I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH!

For somebody who writes comedy, Ira Nayman is really no fun.

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Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!

If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be, +

Welcome Back My Friednishes To The Show That Never Ednishes

I now have a Facebook author/fan/whatever you want to call it page: Ira Nayman's Thrishty Friednishes. Go, look around, like it if you feel so inclined and feel free to leave a comment. I have only just started it, so it may be a little sparse at the moment, but I will add content based on what people post they would like to see. Within reason.

Would you be interested in immortality?

The Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) has two advice columns: Ask Amritsar, a column about love and sex and technology, and; Ask the Tech Answer Guy, a column about +