Curriculum Vitae - The Sequel
50 Evanston Drive
North York, Ontario
2002 to present
Les Pages aux Folles (self-published)
Web site containing 12 previously written collections of satirical prose columns, as well as new work updated weekly.
12) That's What They Want You to Think...Or, Is It?
11) Your Daily Dose of Crustacean Serendipity
10) Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be
9) No Public Figure Too Big, No Personal Foible Too Small
8) It's Always About You, Isn't It?
7) Life, Death and Other Ways of Passing the Time
6) News You Can Abuse
5) New Millennium, Same Old Story
4) Satire for the Hard of Thinking
3) Orchestrated Chaos
2) Politics – A Musical Comedy
1) Zen and the Art of International Politics
Paperback Book Published Through iUniverse
Alternate Reality Ain’t What It Used To Be
Based on the book originally published on the Les Pages aux Folles Web site.
Paperback Book Self-Published Through iUniverse
No Public Figure Too Big, No Personal Foible Too Small
Based on the book originally published on the Les Pages aux Folles Web site.
The Love Box
A 23 minute film based on the television series.
Dead Air: "Comedy Is Not Funny"
100 minute tape of radio sketch comedy
published in Comic Relief magazine
From Bedroom to Boardroom
two one-act plays (self-published)
"The Bedrooms of the Nation:" by government edict, a woman must change lovers (at an ever-increasing pace).
"The Boardrooms of the Nation:" a half dozen executives go on a wilderness tour. When their boss drops dead of a heart attack, they find it increasingly difficult to cope in such an unfamiliar environment.
WINNER: Bronze Remi Award for Creative Excellence
40th Annual WorldFest-Houston International Film & Video Festival
for the short film The Love Box
WINNER: Praxis Screenwriting Competition
for the screenplay A Guide for the Easily Confused
As If It Mattered
What would you be doing right now if you lived your life as if it mattered? Three members of a family are asked this question, with wildly different results.
Passion Cove: Restless Spirits
half hour spec script
An old couple renting a villa in Passion Cove reminisce about their passionate past.
television series (four half hour scripts written)
Set in the city of TVopolis, each episode follows a day in the life of a character who is necessary to the smooth functioning of a cinematic genre, but who is usually a peripheral character in the actual films. Examples: a garbage man cleans up the destruction left behind when superheroes battle supervillians; a morgue attendant deals with ghosts and vampires, and; a lonely waitress serves characters from romantic comedies.
Episode 1: “We Don’t Need Another Hero”
Episode 4: “Haunted When the Minutes Drag”
Episode 5: “No Guarantees In Life”
Episode 6: “Love Never Knows”
Soon after quitting his job, a spy is kidnapped and taken to a village that on the surface looks idyllic, but is actually a prison where bizarre techniques are used to break his spirit. An updated, North American version of the cult television classic from the 1960s.
La Ronde set in modern Toronto, where all of the sexual relationships cross some type of boundary (age, race, religion, gender, et al).
One act play
A relationship, from a first blind date to a final acrimonious breakup, seen through the filter of a series of blackouts that illustrate various facets of the difficulty of communicating using language.
The Love Box
Television series (12 half hour episodes written)
A family situation comedy about the sex industry. The series takes place in a "big box" sex shop (a cross between Lovecraft and your local porn video store, but the size of the World's Biggest Book Store). While the sexual aspects of the series are foregrounded, embedded in it is a parody of family sitcoms from the 1950s.
Episode 1: "Family Values"
Episode 2: "The Family Way"
Episode 3: "Family Affair"
Episode 4: "All in the Family"
Episode 5: "Happy Families"
Episode 6: "Family Business"
Episode 7: "All the Nudes That's Fit to Print"
Episode 8: "Nudes of the World"
Episode 9: "Nudes From the Home Front"
Episode 10: “That’s Nudes to Me”
Episode 11: "No Nudes Is Good Nudes"
Episode 13: "Start Spreading the Nudes"
1999 to 2001, 2003
Forever Live and Die
television series (24 half hour episodes written)
An anthology series about vampires. Although they live forever, these vampires have a finite amount of memory, so they can only remember events about 500 years in the past, a fact which leaves them open to unique predators. There are also different generations of vampire, whose powers weaken depending upon how many removes they are from the original vampire, a dark figure named Frost. Though set in a variety of locations and time periods, characters weave in and out of each others' stories, creating a narrative tapestry.
Episode 1: "Dead, Beautiful"
Episode 2: "Things Lost"
Episode 3: "Dark and Stormy"
Episode 4: "Beautiful Things"
Episode 5: "Where There's Life"
Episode 6: "Of Asparagus and Forgetting"
Episode 7: "Have a Nice Eternity"
Episode 8: "She Glides"
Episode 9: "Passing Through"
Episode 10: "Not Going Gently"
Episode 11: "Scissors, Rock, Paper"
Episode 12: "I Woke Up Dreaming..."
Episode 13: "Mind of the Dead"
Episode 14: "Ed's Bad Hair Night"
Episode 15: "Sense of the Meeting"
Episode 16: "Lost Innocence"
Episode 17: "The Strangeness of Strangers"
Episode 18: "Sleeping Beauty in the New World"
Episode 19: "Just the Way You Are"
Episode 20: “Penny For Your Thoughts”
Episode 21: “A Citizen’s Guide to Democracy In Action”
Episode 22: “Secrets Everybody Knows”
Episode 23: “Time and Again”
Episode 26: "Death Takes a Leak"
It’s About the Love
A drunk driver is thrown into a cell with a man who killed Jerry Springer and who claims to be a cherub.
Employees of a company complain about the latest management recruit: an eighth century Hun named Splorq.
Practice to Perceive
feature length screenplay (WGC Registration #S99-2364)
In the future, everybody is beautiful and the world is clean and efficient. Alex is the producer of a video show which is transmitted directly to people's brains; a perfect job in a perfect world. Except that he is starting to have visions of a dirty world where everybody is ugly. Can he trust what his brain is telling him?
feature length screenplay (WGC Registration #S99-2042)
Six stand up comedians do a tour of Ontario clubs. Will any of them survive?
A Guide for the Easily Confused
feature length screenplay (WGC Registration #S98-1881)
A romantic comedy set in Montreal. Alex Freeman is a slacker with a wry sense of humour. He doesn't appear to be happy with Emily, his computer programmer/painter girlfriend, but when he meets Mabel, a waitress, and her son Robin, things are not quite as they seem.
When Bad Sex Happens to Good People
A portrait of human sexual relations as you will never see them in film!
Coda: What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger
What do you do if you wake up on January 1, 2000 and find that the world hasn't ended?
Every Way is a Stupid Way to Die
Victims of a serial killer talk about how the experience didn't live up to their expectations.
feature length screenplay
An updated, English, North American version of the classic screenplay by Luis Bunuel.
For Change's Sake
60 minute video installation (head writer)
Twenty people work out their destinies in a bar one evening. Each of the actors is to wear a pinhole camera somewhere on their person; a screen for each actor will then project the action from each of their points of view. Viewers can decide whose visions to follow. An experiment in interactive viewer participation.
feature length screenplay (co-written with Garine Torossian)
A woman tries to make sense of her relationships and other aspects of her life.
The Man Behind the Curtain
feature length screenplay (WGC Registration #95-01676)
Paul Ahearn, a legendary advertising executive, seems to have his greatest triumph when he sells his country a war. Afterwards, though, he feels empty, that there are no challenges left for him. He is inspired to sell tobacco and chemical companies on a new campaign: to tackle North America's fear of death. It's a brilliant campaign - but will it work?
hour long radio play (also in teleplay version) (WGC Registration #95-01078)
A satire of conservative provincial politics.
feature length screenplay (WGC Registration #94-00168)
A romantic comedy set in Toronto. Joshua has been best friends with Murielle and Paul for years. When their romance breaks up, Joshua becomes Murielle's lover. Oops. Can they overcome their fantasies to make the relationship work?
master scene treatment screenplay
Philip Masters has devoted his life to making his machine shop a success. Unfortunately, bad investments in the 1980s force him to borrow money, the result of which is that he loses control of his company in the 1990s. On his last day in the office, he decides to take control back at the point of a gun.
Worlds Within Worlds
feature length screenplay (WGC Registration #94-00165)
An ensemble piece about an afternoon in the life of a shopping mall.
Chicago on the Neva
feature length screenplay (WGC Registration #94-00166)
Osip Mandelstam drives an illegal taxi in Leningrad after the fall of Communism. One night, a corrupt army general drops dead in the back of his cab, leaving behind a briefcase full of important looking documents. Osip has to negotiate Russia's corrupt society in order to try and use the documents to buy his way out of the country.
feature length screenplay (WGC Registration #94-00164)
Softworld is a virtual reality complex offering thousands of environments for your gaming pleasure. Unfortunately, somebody has gotten into the software and is disrupting people's experience, so VR designer Jack Cook must enter his creation, find out who is hacking the system and stop them. The script is for a big budget science fiction adventure/comedy which combines live action and animation.
Wine and Company
television series (7 half hour scripts) (WGC Registration #94-00163)
Diane Wine opens a New Age company that advertises itself as offering: "karmic adjustment and massage therapy." Her first series of clients includes: a woman haunted by a past relationship; a native torn between his culture and his place in white society, and; a clown who has lost the ability to laugh.
Episode 1: "The Exorcism"
Episode 2: "Nobody's Perfect"
Episode 3: "Sisyphus Had a Rock..."
Episode 4: "To the Moon, Alice! To the Moon!"
Episode 5: "The Witches of East York"
Episode 6: "Sweat Dreams"
Episode 7: "All God's Fools"
Nothing is Carved in Stone
feature length screenplay
A town in northern Ontario is thrown into turmoil when the company on which the townspeople depend for their livelihood announces that it is shutting down the mine. Some of the townsfolk make plans to move, others hatch increasingly desperate schemes to keep the place alive.
Too Strange Tales
television series (3 hour scripts, 1 half hour script)
A cross between the Marx Brothers and The Twilight Zone.
"Talking Turkey:" Victoria's stultifying middle class life is slowly driving her mad. The turkey she is preparing for Thanksgiving may have some timely advice which could save her sanity.
"Prince Charming - Live!" Tristan Charming, the Prince of the mythical romance, wakes up in a glade in the midst of a major city and must try to comprehend how modern people experience love.
"The Trickster Triumphant:" A maker of schlock horror films cannot believe that the film that he has financed on a reservation about an ancient native ceremony could signal the end of the world.
"The Clowning Achievement:" On the eve of his most important meeting, a businessman finds himself slowly turning into a clown.
People are the Same All Over
television series (four of eight half hour scripts written)
Some time in the future, the environment has been so degraded that humanity has retreated into domed cities which look suspiciously like shopping malls. Sam Quang, ace private detective, investigates a bizarre murder. (The title refers to the fact that, although set in China, everybody speaks English and culture seems to be a mishmash of a variety of international cultural influences.)
television series (two of seven half hour scripts written)
Jones, a two-time petty thief loser, is lying in a hospital bed close to death. Detective Rizzo has to unravel the mystery of why somebody would want to run him down with their car. Straight drama, really, except each episode contains parodies of a different genre of television show which intertwines ironically with the forward action of the story.
A Job for Amateurs
radio series (four of 12 half hour scripts written) (WGC Registration #94-00170)
Arthur Weeks, a minor functionary in the American government's General Accounting Office, begins an investigation of a shipment of pianos to a small African country. The investigation uncovers a spiraling conspiracy involving drug smuggling and gun running in Central America which seems to be condoned by the highest officers of the government. A satire of the Iran-contra scandal.
Greetings From La La Land
two hour radio play (WGC Registration #94-00169)
A few days in the life of a movie executive.
The Old Ball Game
half hour animated film (also: half hour radio version)
In the near future, the American and National League All-sorts teams battle it out to see which has the worst players.
Welcome, Science Fiction Fans!
If you came to Les Pages aux Folles curious about my writing thanks to science fiction or fan fiction, welcome! You can find the complete text of Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be,
What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys
, Luna for the Lunies!
, The Street Finds its Own Uses for Mutant Technologies
and The Alternate Reality News Service's Guide to Love, Sex and Robots
in the Archive Section
, as well as a new Alternate Reality News story every week in the New Section
. They are clearly marked [ARNS] for easy identification. And, please feel to browse through the other writing, cartoons and miscellaneous oddments - you never know what you might enjoy!
Welcome Back My Friednishes To The Show That Never Ednishes
I now have a Facebook author/fan/whatever you want to call it page: Ira Nayman's Thrishty Friednishes
. Go, look around, like it if you feel so inclined and feel free to leave a comment. I have only just started it, so it may be a little sparse at the moment, but I will add content based on what people post they would like to see. Within reason.
Would you be interested in immortality?
The Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) has two advice columns: Ask Amritsar, a column about love and sex and technology, and; Ask the Tech Answer Guy, a column about
technology and anything except
love and sex. It's a thing with him. Don't ask. ARNS is now soliciting questions for these advice columns from readers. That means you! If, after reading any of the columns, you are inspired to write a question of your own, please submit it to email@example.com
! (Without the exclamation mark, because that would just be rude.) If your question is selected, your name and a link to your Web site will be posted on this Web site, which, at almost 14 years old, may not exactly be immortal, but is pretty darned long-lived. So, okay, maybe we oversold it a bit. But, what the heck? Have fun with it. We look forward to reading your questions!