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Chapter 46
December 10, 2017

Headlines Laughed Last

As Long As It Leads To An Unbalanced Conclusion

"Industry group urges 'balanced approach' to climate policy ahead of energy conference" - Globe and Mail

Bad Enough That It's His Puerto Rico

"Trump not letting media turn Puerto Rico into his 'Katrina'" - Toronto Sun

Once Again, The Newspaper Is A Stanch Defender Of Good Grammar

"Trudeau heads to Washington to staunch protectionist tide" - Globe and Mail

When It's Far Too Much

"When will America finally say 'enough'?" - Toronto Star

At Last! At Long Last, Margaret Wente Has Discovered Irony!

"Please turn down the volume on the outrage machine" - Globe and Mail

Headline Editing Is A Bich

"Homeless pich tents in wealthy B.C. Area" - Toronto Sun

Could You Do Me A Soldier And TRY To Edit Your Headlines Properly?

"U.S. solider at centre of political fight laid to rest" - Toronto Star

Newspaper Commentators Slow: Common Sense

"Technological change happening fast: report" - Toronto Sun

As Long As The Tuxedo Doesn't Smell Like Pumpkin Spice

"Kingsmen: watch the sequel, buy the fragrance, wear the tuxedo" - Toronto Star

Does This CEO Compensation Package Make My Ass Look Fat?

"Investors must never lose sigh of the true bottom line" - Toronto Star

That's Not Easy When You're Dealing With The First Post-Fact President

"NAFTA's auto rules must be negotiated on fact, not fiction" - Globe and Mail

Pro Natural Feed Candidate Expected To Win In Landslide

"Backyard-chicken vote is expected today" - Toronto Star

Such Value Neutral Terms As "Raghead Averse" and "Sand Eating Scumbag Hater" Are Much Better

"Don't use divisive term 'Islamophobia', expert tells MPs" - Toronto Sun

Hopes Markets Will Reward It For Its Consistency

"Bombardier to miss deadline for streetcars" - Globe and Mail

Like Dancing About Architecture?

"Like reading a Monet painting" - Toronto Star

How Could Anybody Tamper With Man's Best Fiend?

"Doping scandal another blow to sled dog race" - Toronto Star

Is That What Islamophobes Are Calling The Objects Of Their Scorn These Days?

"One more reason to hate black licorice" - Toronto Sun

The Unicorn-driven Approach Was Delightful, But Not Without Problems...

"It's time for a data-driven approach to health care" - Globe and Mail

Been There So Long, It's Surprising It Hasn't Burned A Hole Into The Bottom Of The Pot And Caused A Fire That Burned The Whole House Down

"Poverty stuck on back burner" - Toronto Star

The Auto Industry Doesn't Trade In Plan Bs

"Forget TPP until NAFTA deal is done: auto groups" - Globe and Mail

"Canadian business needs a NAFTA 'Plan B'" - Globe and Mail

Whose Fault Is That‽

"Tax avoidance and keeping details private aren't crimes" - Toronto Star

The Kind Of Hack You Can't Cure With A Lozenge

"Your company has been hacked - now what?" - Globe and Mail

"Equifax delays earnings report after hack" - Globe and Mail

"LinkedIn accounts now new targets for hackers" - Toronto Star

"Wisconsin, Ohio among states targeted by Russian hackers in 2016 election" - Globe and Mail

"SEC hacked, intruders may have profited" - Toronto Star

"One million users hit in Canoe.ca hack" - Globe and Mail

"Hackers get keys to computer" - Toronto Sun

"Alleged hacker will fight to stay in Canada if no deal is reached" - Globe and Mail

"Flight hack saves cash, but comes with risks" - Toronto Star

"Military contractor's website has been hacked
Initial indications reveal that no information was stolen" - Toronto Star

"Ransomware a growing, billion-dollar plague
Hackers hold sensitive data hostage, preying on small firms and others with weak protection" - Globe and Mail

"Lawyers for accused hacker appeal bail denial in court" - Toronto Star

"Cybercrime Made Easy For Unskilled Hackers" - New York Times

"Hackers demanding booty for Pirates return
Disney refuses to pay group threatening to release film" - Toronto Star

"Network of students hacking school Wi-Fi
Tech-savvy teens find ways to beat TDSB bans" - Toronto Star

"Macron campaign says it was the victim of a 'massive and co-ordinated hack'" - Globe and Mail

"Hackers find weakness in entertainment biz" - Toronto Star

"Cyberattacks felt around the world
Hackers used data stolen from U.S. Government to attack hospitals, offices" - Toronto Star

Censoring Trivial Dialogue Doesn't Seem Worth The Effort

"School censorship stifles crucial dialogue" - Toronto Star

...Looks Uncannily Similar To The Rash Era

"Back in the black: The new era of prudent oil" - Globe and Mail

"Keystone spill hits Alberta crude prices" - Globe and Mail

Not That That Will Convince Them To Get Vaccinated

"No such thing as supermodel immunity" - Toronto Star

Which Is Why They Are Pursuing It All The More Vigourously

"McKenna: U.S. case against Canada is not strong" - Globe and Mail

Said The Person Who Didn't Last A Day In The Sex And The City Writers' Room

"Sometimes, it's best not to even shop" - Toronto Star

I'd Like To Lambaste The Newspaper For Its Bombastic Headlines

"In a non-partisan Fed, Powell shouldn't fear Trump's lambast" - Globe and Mail

Is That A Trick Question?
The Lawyers Always Come Out On Top

"Havens and have nots
Analysis: In the battle pitting tax authorities against accountants and lawyers for the wealthy, who will come out on top?" - Toronto Star

If She Hadn't, You Probably Wouldn't Be Reading This Story

"SHATTERED HOPES AND DREAMS
Oshawa murder victim was pregnant - and wanted the baby" - Toronto Sun

I Know The Supply Chain Has Shrunk, But I've Never Heard Of "Just In Time" Foresight

"Loblaw the latest to experience the 'Amazon effect,' but at least it has the foresight to act now" - Globe and Mail

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